Believe

The last month has been a bit of a blur.

My parents were here for 10 days watching my wee nieces while my sister and her husband took a much needed extended vacation. I went to an NFL football game. We painted the Nursery. I dropped my computer and wound up with a new hard drive. I helped organize hospitality and favors for a special worship and Christ centered event called Wild Pear. Our little one continued to roll and punch the days away. Willow got a hair cut. Our Bradley Method birthing classes opened our eyes to what we can expect in 8 short weeks. We took our Maternity photos. And I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes (GD).

There has been lots to give thanks for since my last post but I'm not going to lie...all the good felt muted by the cloud of being diagnosed with GD. I had found myself sobbing into my pillow for several nights. Feeling like I was living with some awful stigma that I hadn't taken care of myself (when before I truly felt like I had). Feeling frustrated that my body, which before I felt so proud and confident in to carry and nurture the growing life inside me, could somehow in the long run end up hurting baby or me. I found myself facing fears I thought I had overcome about motherhood, the health of my baby, my health, labor/delivery, and my ability to even take on the task of raising a child.

As with anything time helps with coping and processing, but honestly, I'm still dealing with these fears. It's really unfortunate. My spirit was crushed and my positive attitude about being able to deliver naturally was brought to a screeching halt. In spite of myself, yesterday I started speaking positively again. And I actually started believing again.

Believing that the Lord created my body to be able to carry and bring life. Believing that I am a Woman of Faith. Believing that I can overcome. Believing that I am strong, both mentally and physically. Believing that I am making the best choices for myself and for my baby. Believing that my baby will be healthy. Believing that God has a good plan. And eventually these mantra-truths resonated in my soul and my spirits began to lift.

So I'm entering the Thanksgiving holiday with more hope and a renewed confidence and for that I'm thankful.