Welcome Felix Fire

This past Monday, January 14th, Josh and I welcomed our son Felix Fire Michael into the world. I can't believe 5 days have gone by already with this little man in our lives. Life feels like a whirl wind and the entire past week still feels a bit surreal and we are already completely in smitten with our little prince. 

I really want to document the events leading up to the birth of our son, because I felt the Lord's hand in every step of the way leading to our answered prayers of a completely natural and unmedicated spontaneous labor delivery of our baby. I'll start with last Thursday, Friday and Saturday in today's post and write subsequent ones leading up to his birth. Buckle in. :)

Thursday

Last Thursday, January 10th we had our 40 week Midwife appointment. At the 39 week appointment my blood pressure was slightly elevated so I was a bit anxious about getting my blood pressure checked that week. Regardless of what it said, I was mentally preparing for at least another week of being pregnant.

No surprise, due to my anxiety, my BP was high when the nurse checked it so I was gave them a urine sample to test for protein and rule out Pre Eclampsia. The results came back at a +2, which isn't good and the Midwife we saw that day (who we were meeting for the first time) told us we needed to immediately head over to the hospital for further tests and a high chance of induction.

I had heard of this kind of "panic" leading to induction happening to many people around their 40 week mark so I started asking some additional questions. Can I retake the urine test? What are my options? Can I recheck blood pressure in 15 mins or so after laying down, etc. The midwife was not helpful started making me feel like me and my baby were in imminent danger if we didn't go to the hospital right away. It obviously upset me and I was in tears (which isn't hard to do) but she also upset Josh (which is VERY hard to do) so we asked if there was someone else we could see.

A different midwife came in and spoke to me. She did a MUCH better job of calming me but at the same time explaining the risks if I was in fact pre eclamptic. She had me lay down and retook my blood pressure - which came back completely normal and then did a catheter urine sample to recheck protein levels. (apparently discharge can throw a protein count so internal check is more accurate). That sample came back completely clean! With that, they said they would draw my blood in the office (rather than sending me to the hospital) and let me do a 24 hr urine sample. 

I was so relieved! I had at least another day to mentally prepare for possible induction and to try and get active labor going in any way possible. I was checked at 3 cm dilation and 60% effacement and had my membranes stripped before we left the appointment. The rest of the day I had crampy early labor/braxton hicks contractions. They were about 8 - 15 minutes apart. Josh and I tried our best to relax and get the house in order, incase the next day we would need the induction, all the while prayed for spontaneous labor to start. 

Friday

Friday morning we slept in. Braxton Hicks contractions has slowed down in the morning and I was feeling a bit discouraged. Around noon, we got a call from Josh's parents saying they were in town and wanted to do lunch. It was a big surprise to find they drove 4.5 hrs the night before and stayed in a hotel in KY just incase I went into labor in the middle of the night. 

It was nice to have them there as a distraction from "trying" to go into labor...We went to lunch and then headed up to drop off my 24 hr urine sample and get the blood results back. 

At their office we found the blood work came back clean! Which was a HUGE relief. My blood pressure was normal when I laid down for a few minutes on one side. Another HUGE relief. Linda - the midwife we met with, was beyond encouraging. She said they would strip my membranes again and then get back to me that night about how the 24 hr urine test went. She said the number needed to be under 300 to avoid scheduling an induction. 

Linda checked my cervix and said I was at 4 CM and 80% effaced! Another huge answer to prayer - the early labor/braxton hicks my body worked on the day before gave me a bit of progress!

Josh and I left the appointment feeling SO encouraged and praying that the 24 hr test would come back clean and specifically we repeated "Lord, give us the weekend to go into labor on our own. Please, just give us the weekend."

After the appointment we went to get some coffee at Fido and then took willow on a long walk waiting for Linda to call with the results. I had really come to a peaceful place about everything. If I wound up with an induction, everything would be OK. It wouldn't be what we really wanted, but either way we would finally meet our baby. 

While we were on the walk, I received the call from Linda. She said "You missed the cut off by 30 points..." and feeling a bit of defeat and feeling seeing pitocin in my near future I steadily said "Ok, so what are the next steps?" Linda replied, well you get another week because your number was 270." A wave of relief washed over me. "Oh! So I MADE the cut off? I don't have to be induced!?" "Correct," Linda replied. "Let's try and get that baby out naturally!"

When I got of the phone Josh literally jumped in the air and said "Praise the Lord!" 

We had gone from Thursday morning feeling like induction was inevitable to Friday night having another entire week to go into labor naturally.

Saturday 

Braxton hicks contractions continued all night Friday night and into Saturday morning. We went out to breakfast at the new coffee house in downtown franklin called Froth Monkey and then took a 2 mile walk in the spitting rain to see if contractions would intensify. 

After the walk downtown we decided the rain was getting to be a bit much and would head to the mall. I continued to have early labor crampy feelings at regular intervals, but the intensity wasn't picking up. We went home to rest, shower and keep praying for things to pick up on their own.

Feeling discouraged by the "maybe this is real labor...oh no, probably not" back and forth and a bit like a watched pot that would never boil, we headed out that evening to a friends house for another distraction. Even though I was in a completely crummy mood, grilled pizzas, my nieces and friends around us and football on the TV did allow me to relax a bit. 

We went to bed that night with the same braxton hicks contractions and the same prayer. "Let us go into labor spontaneously." Feeling hopeful and excited to finally meet our baby.

Bring on 2013

Joining the masses in the obligatory New Year's blog post - even though mine is a week late.

2012 was amazing. 2013 will be even better.

2012 Highlights:

Launched My Etsy shop - Voyage Vintage and announced a new business venture - Voyage Creatives

God's perfectly beautiful timing with the loss of my job and the opening of new job opportunities for Josh.

Transitioned rather smoothly from a 9-5 to a stay-at-home-person pursuing passions and dreaming.

Traveled to Connecticut and New York City for our 5th Anniversary. Read books out loud to Josh in the car. Ate amazing food. Saw long lost friends. Wept at the 9/11 memorial. Smiled till our faces hurt at a musical. Soaked in amazing art. Became addicted to live polo games.

Took a trip to Vegas. Soaked in the sun. Snuggled. Realized I could easily be a gambling addict and thanked God there isn't a casino near Nashville.

Was blessed like crazy by 3 amazing baby showers in Illinois, Ohio, and Tennessee.

Found out we were expecting and prepared space in our home and hearts for the bébé.

Soaked in our final moments as a family of 2 with just a low-maintenance fur-baby and spent TONS of time with friends.

Hopes for 2013:

• Drink more water.
• Drink more delicious wine. (Won't be hard to do considering I was preggo most of 2012)
• Have a baby as naturally as possible. (Maybe even today!)
• Walk more.
• Remain present and cherish the early days of mommy-hood.
• Watch my husband transform into a daddy and journey into parentdom by his side.
• Write more.
• Be thankful and savor small moments of goodness.
• Read more.
• Fully launch Voyage Creatives as freelance marketing, design,  and photography services.

It's crazy that any day now I will have my body back. I honestly loved being pregnant. I'm really excited to meet our little one, but I am going to miss this stage of life. Growing a human and letting God prepare my heart, mind and body for becoming a mom - I've really enjoyed all he has taught me and the closeness I've felt to my bébé and Josh.

I could use all of your prayer as we approach our due date - January 12th. I really desire to go into labor without induction and to deliver naturally. So prayer for strength and for my body and our little bug's body to function perfectly over the next few days/weeks. Also, pray for perfect health and smooth transition into life with a baby.

With that said - I leave you with a couple of photos from my 39 week maternity shoot with Mel from Angel Wings Photography last weekend.

Parenthood.

As I write this we are 6 minutes away from the end of the day the world was supposed to end. It's 11:54 PM and today has been fairly unremarkable and mostly uneventful unless you count the massive mound of laundry I washed folded AND put away.

The hubs and I exchanged our christmas gifts tonight and his were much more thoughtful than mine considering he actually took time to purchase things and I just blurted out at lunch that were were buying him an iPhone 5 whether he agreed to it or not! We both wound up pretty happy - me with my new guitar pick-up, DI cord, DI box and him gushing over the sound on the headphones, loading apps, and getting to know his new BFF - Siri.

I have been watching my list of things to do before bébé arrives grow shorter and shorter and I'm not 100% sure if it's giving me a sense of ease or a sense of panic...Our nursery is mostly decorated. Attic, cupboards and closets purged and organized. Birth plan written. Doula hired. Christmas gifts bought. Birthing classes completed. And I know those things weren't keeping the little one at bay, but with each item crossed off my list it feels as if less and less is standing between the closing of this beautiful care-free married couple chapter and the completely new and mysterious chapter of parenthood. Being a mom and dad. Nurturing and raising up a little human that will have a life and a path of it's own and will flip our world upside down from it's very first breath on.

I. can't. wait.

I'm terrified and so excited all at once. Everything is so unknown, but I feel as ready as I possibly could and I am bursting to see the smushy newborn face of a half-me/half-Josh baby. Honestly, one of the things I'm looking forward to most is seeing what an amazing Dad Josh will be. He is the most thoughtful, caring, wise-beyond-his years man and I know I chose well when I married him 5.5 years ago. Seeing his giant man-hands gently holding a fragile newborn will melt my heart. And navigating this adventure side by side with him is a dream come true.

Come out, baby! But maybe wait till we get back from Bloomington, IL for Christmas...I really don't want to labor 6 hours in the car.

I leave you with a couple of pictures from our maternity shoot 4 weeks ago.

Happy Christmas.

Two

The weekend started with the sound of rain sloshing under car tires on the street in front of our house and a gentle pitter patter on our bed room window. We slowly woke up around 10 am on Saturday facing one another, kissing good morning and realizing this may be one of our last times for such a lazy snuggly Saturday just the two of us.

Without schedule or agenda we left the house and wound up at Cracker Barrel for breakfast where we indulged in pancakes dripping in maple syrup, thick cut bacon, over easy eggs and fluffy biscuits. Then we spent the afternoon holding hands and moseying through the bustle of Christmas shoppers in Cool Springs. Impulse buying every holiday movie we saw, people watching, running errands and relishing in our two-ness.

In early evening we both dressed to the nines and stepped out on the town for Josh's Casino-themed work party. Side by side the whole night we learned the ropes of Black Jack, lost our chips in Roulette and crossed two pairs of fingers for an iPad mini during the final raffle drawing but, settled for a gift card for lunch for two at Maniacs.

As night turned the pages of the calendar we lost all sense of responsibility and stayed up to the wee hours watching "Home Alone" and writing thank you cards for those who love and support us as our two morphs to three in 5 short weeks.

Sunday our alarms went off too early for our liking, but we rose together to eggs and toast made with love, worship set final plans and cozy matching grey sweatshirts and cardigans. One broken car let us spend more time together on the way to the Vineyard Franklin where Advent celebrations and space for the King to come set peace in this pair of hearts.

Afternoon naps without alarms and no plans for the rest of the day. Sunday slipped into darkness barely noticed by these sleepy heads. Some finishing touches put on the room for the third member of our family and a clean kitchen were productivity enough for us before snuggling onto our couch for a late dinner and movie. Christmas lights reflected from our short, fat, pregnant-looking tree while big hands rested on a growing belly to feel little kicks and reflect on our past while dreaming of the future.

Heads meet pillows and fingers intertwine with the soft thump heartbeats in our fingertips, indistinguishable from each other. Breath rising and falling as rain grew heavy on our window pane and thunder rolled across our sky rocking the two of us to slumber. Closing a chapter with bright eyes for the great things that 2 + 1 will look like.

Believe

The last month has been a bit of a blur.

My parents were here for 10 days watching my wee nieces while my sister and her husband took a much needed extended vacation. I went to an NFL football game. We painted the Nursery. I dropped my computer and wound up with a new hard drive. I helped organize hospitality and favors for a special worship and Christ centered event called Wild Pear. Our little one continued to roll and punch the days away. Willow got a hair cut. Our Bradley Method birthing classes opened our eyes to what we can expect in 8 short weeks. We took our Maternity photos. And I was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes (GD).

There has been lots to give thanks for since my last post but I'm not going to lie...all the good felt muted by the cloud of being diagnosed with GD. I had found myself sobbing into my pillow for several nights. Feeling like I was living with some awful stigma that I hadn't taken care of myself (when before I truly felt like I had). Feeling frustrated that my body, which before I felt so proud and confident in to carry and nurture the growing life inside me, could somehow in the long run end up hurting baby or me. I found myself facing fears I thought I had overcome about motherhood, the health of my baby, my health, labor/delivery, and my ability to even take on the task of raising a child.

As with anything time helps with coping and processing, but honestly, I'm still dealing with these fears. It's really unfortunate. My spirit was crushed and my positive attitude about being able to deliver naturally was brought to a screeching halt. In spite of myself, yesterday I started speaking positively again. And I actually started believing again.

Believing that the Lord created my body to be able to carry and bring life. Believing that I am a Woman of Faith. Believing that I can overcome. Believing that I am strong, both mentally and physically. Believing that I am making the best choices for myself and for my baby. Believing that my baby will be healthy. Believing that God has a good plan. And eventually these mantra-truths resonated in my soul and my spirits began to lift.

So I'm entering the Thanksgiving holiday with more hope and a renewed confidence and for that I'm thankful.