A New Leaf

"Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

I'm obsessed with all things Autumn. Starting at the beginning of September I constantly check the 5 and 10 day weather report to see when the temps will dip below 60 and plan boot wearing accordingly. But in the south my fixation on scarves, nutmeg spiced drinks and pumpkin flavored baked goods are thwarted by temperatures continuously meandering into the high 80s. I wake with hopes of crisp air,  steaming tea and cinnamon butter toast to start a productive day perfectly balanced between checking things off my to-do list and relishing creative moments. I'm caught off guard when I break a sweat walking Willow outside to do her business and find my enthusiasm for the day fading as the temperature rises.

The fickle weather mirrors my attitude and I feel adrift.

My days fade in and out each quite similar to the last and I crave for the Lord to show me something new. My body aches to feel fire or ice. Something other than the tepid days I'm floating in. I yearn for my affections to awaken. For an ecstasy or an agony to lead my heart away from mediocre.

I desperately need my passions to be stirred once again.

I used to be a passionate person. I used to feel aweMusic. Art. the Lord. Food. Wine. Worship. Writing. I felt drawn and touched by these thing. I used to be teachable and moldable  I used to be  emotional for the right reasons allowing the Spirit to stretch me into a new understanding of His power. Letting his word show me new sides of His great love. but now...I'm afraid to admit it... now, I've become the person who is impossible to impress. I'm cynical and pessimistic. Nothing surprises me. Very little sparks me enough to move. 

I still deeply believe in God. I deeply believe He is moving all around the world. I vehemently know in my head that He is at work in my life and that I want to serve Him, but my heart hasn't gotten the message. I'm worried that the beating muscle that gives me life has actually become a lifeless blob in a coat of steel armor.

That's why I'm craving cooler weather. God always refreshes my soul when the air turns crisp. Leaves dry up and fall covering the ground preparing for winter and ultimate new life in the spring. Fall is time for a fresh beginning. The start of a new chapter. A reinvention and rejuvenation of my soul. A time to turn over a new leaf.

So that is my prayer this fall. That God would awaken my soul. Awaken my passions. Bring back humility and childlike awe. Scrape back the dragon scales and reveal a truly tender heart again. God knows, I'm ready.

Current Chronicles

Life has been filled to the brim lately and here are a few snip-its of what's been happening

Bébé has been kicking like a crazy person! It's so much fun. Last week one of the kicks was so hard you could see my belly jolt. It completely startled me. Then I spent the next 10 mins staring at and poking my abdomen to get the little one to do it again to no avail. Also, i've noticed a quasi unsettling pattern of Bébé really cranking up the kicks right when I lay down to bed. I'm hoping that habit will end post womb...but i'm not counting on it.

My brother in law turned 25. I made him a strawberries and cream pie since Cynthia (my sister) was on night shift at the hospital. While singing happy birthday and carrying the pie to JP for him to blow out the candles, Josh hit his head on the pull up bar that was hanging in the door way and the pull up bar dropped in the pie. I'm amazed the pie didn't end up on the ground. For the record, I would have eaten it off the ground Joey, Rachel and Chandler style if it did. 

I took Willow on a walk at the park and kept hearing a funny squeaking noise that I thought must be my shoe. When I stopped walking I realized the noise was Willow tooting every time she took a step. I didn't even think dog farts were possible. I died laughing.

Today at the supermarket 3 things happend.

1. The guy behind me in line purchased an entire cart full...I mean to the brim full...of mountain dew.
2. I realized I forgot my wallet in the car after I had unloaded all my stuff on the conveyer belt.
3. Upon coming back in the store with my wallet, I unzipped the money section and was waiting to pay....and forgot the wallet was open when I went to brush my hair out of my face and dumped  $10 worth of coins all over the supermarket floor....fail...

I've been working nearly every waking moment the past 3 days on adding items to my store. Measuring. Writing descriptions. Photographing. Photo editing, etc. etc. Here are a few of the new items and there should be 50 more new items by the end of next week. Here's a sample of a few items.

 1960s Drop Waist Fall Dress

1960s Sleeveless Blue/Grey Button Down Dress

It's a bit embarrassing, but for the first time I have a fantasy football team...and I check it regularly.

I stood in Bed Bath and Beyond for 15 minutes shamelessly smelling candles. I'm OBSESSED with fall scents....spiced pumpkin, pumpkin pie, autumn harvest, apple cinnamon. I die! However, $25 bucks for one candle? Maybe when I win the lottery I'll be able to afford you Woodwick. I then proceeded to use a 20% off coupon on $3 hair spray. Score.

I have a bit of a bump now, but not so big that random strangers should comment on it...or so I thought. Asian bankteller lady was the first to dive into the dangerous waters of asking a women she does not know how many weeks along she is. I was completely caught off guard, since she is the was the first person I don't know to ask me that question out of the blue. I guess a big belly is inevitable when you are carrying the child of a 6' 5" man.

Today

Today is the last day in August. Today is a blue moon. Time...slow down, please.

This month flew by just as quickly as the last, but I'm satisfied.  I'm sitting here with a hazy cloud cover outside, a snuggly puppy by my hip, peach cobbler in the oven, dishes done, iced coffee in hand and Bon Iver on Spotify. I feel as if i'm finally finding my stay at home rhythm.

Willow-pup and I are getting used to an early morning walk to work out our sleepy kinks and move at least 30 mins each day. Often this is followed by time reading scripture which has been water to my soul. I found myself craving time away from a screen and Josh and I are trying a no TV week this week, which has resulted in some great discoveries, creativity, and much productivity. Dinners are still sporadic around here, but I managed to keep us home at least 2 times a week with a home cooked meal.  Bébé has been moving like a crazy gold fish and it's been easy to slow down when that happens and connect with little sweet at least once a day.

And I can honestly say, my heart is more joyful than it has been in months...maybe years.

It may seem like an obvious thing to some people, but I'm learning that I'm in control of my emotions. I'm the one who determines if a particular situation or stress will spiral me into the abyss or lift me to a place of calm and trusting in God.

I'd say my August goals were a success and at 21 weeks pregnant (tomorrow) I'm feeling thankful that I still have half my pregnancy to experience with fresh vision and excitement.

Tonight we dine with good friends. Tomorrow we celebrate the start of football season with early morning Irish Cream french toast and the Notre Dame game at 8 am. Tomorrow night we dine with more friends. Sunday and Monday we relish down time.

August iPhone Photo Features

 ROW 1. puppy profile, bébé profile, sock bun and red lipstick

ROW 2. Maddie, My loves, homemade iced coffee

ROW 3. peach cobbler, new hair cut, new entry way

ROW 4. anna + sand box, new nursery rocking chair, fancy willow

Mon Petit Bébé

Mon Petit Bébé,

I am 19 weeks and 4 days pregnant today. I have to resist the urge to round up my weekly progress all the time. Like right now, I want to say I'm 20 weeks pregnant and half way to seeing your sweet little face, but we still have 3 more days till we hit that milestone together.

G-ma (daddy's mom) calls you Jubilix (a combination of Jubilee and Felix) since we are waiting to find out if you are a boy or a girl. I think it's sweet, but I'm happy to just call you mon petit bébé.

It's been strange getting to know who you are in there. I don't really feel all that pregnant, which makes me feel guilty sometimes. I never really dealt with morning sickness or much nausea, I sleep well (thanks to the snoogle) and my baby bump is all but non existant. Most of the time I just feel hungry, emotional, and chubby. Unable to suck in enough to wear my regular skinny jeans so I've been sporting some great new maternity jeans and a few new maternity tops thanks to friends and family who have passed things along.

However,  this past week I have started to feel you move! I may have felt a few flutters earlier on, but they were non-descript I couldn't be sure. Now i'm feeling you flip and jab and roll and bump all over the place. It is so fun! I love feeling your little arms and legs flail about. I would be lying if I said I didn't worry that you are going to get tangled up in your umbilical cord.

The summer heat has made my cravings interesting. I can't get enough of sour lemon or citrus flavored things. Sending me straight to the fruit asile every time I'm in the grocery store. So far the best craving satisfying thing that I've had was a lemon italian ice from Rita's in Columbus, OH. Daddy didn't like it, but you better believe we will be headed back there when we go to Ohio for the baby shower in October! I'm counting down the days!

I love you bébé. Grow strong. We are close to the half way point!

Mom

Around the World in a Weekend

Last weekend I traveled around the world with friends. Friday night I went to China with my dear high school friend Stephanie and her precious eight and a half (not nine!) month old Rose Marie. We had grandiose plans of eating out after her 6 turned 8 hour drive in from Columbus, but realized little ones are better served with space for leg stretching outside of car seats - so take out from China Gourmet it was. While the food was much less than gourmet, the company was sweet and I was so happy to catch up with an old friend and snuggle her new red headed darling.

Saturday morning I brunched on french quiche with the franklin vineyard worship leaders and soaked in the sweet harmonies of "God Your Beautiful" while feeling the weighty presence of the Lord resting on and encouraging my heart.

Saturday night we gathered 10 of my all time favorite people into one place...at one time...with no constraints on schedules and we feasted italian style with fresh mozzarella, chorizo, prosciutto, spinach and tomatos on top of crispy flat bread pizzas at Brixx. Don't forget the amazing on tap collection of brews and brownies with a side of late night Catch Phrase for dessert at our place and it can be counted as one of the loudest and funniest nights with friends ever.

The guys all squeezed on to our couch.

Sunday afternoon we tasted a bit of mexico with good friends and their kiddos galore on the patio at Blue Coast Burrito. Steak quesadillas, fruit tea and sunshine - I couldn't ask for more.

Sunday night we had a fancy Indian food double date with Josh's brother Nathan and his wife Joanna who are back from Africa on a year furlough! Back when this bitty blog started in 2008 Nate and Jo were our first housemates! They lived with us for about a year and a half. Brought their first baby home to our condo and we grew to be so close to one another. Then we visited them when they lived in France (days 1 & 2, days 3 & 4, days 5 & 6, days 7 & 8)  right before their big - more permanent move to Cameroon Africa. Since then they have had another baby (my nephew Josiah) and now Jo is pregnant with baby number three due the week before me! We spent some time with them a couple weeks ago in Bloomington, IL when they first got back, but it was so nice to have dinner just the 4 of us eat delicious cuisine at Bombay Bistro followed by some yogurt from Sweet CeCes. yum!

 The Papas.

The Mamas.

It wasn't the healthiest of weekends, BUT it was a full weekend (pun intended) feeling rich in friendships, community, and the closeness of the Lord.