I Have Amnesia

It's officially February 22 (incase anyone was wondering and needed an official notification about the date). I have less than a week to write 2 blogs, one song, and one hand written letter. To some of you all that might not seem to hard...to me it is a looming deadline that I semi-forgot about until a few days ago. What I've been doing all this time is beyond me. It's funny how you think you might have a slow day/weekend/month etc. because there is nothing "planned," but then that time is quickly filled with dinner parties, weddings, meetings, Watching Friends on DVD, and randomly starring at and clicking through about 300 photos of someone on Facebook that you haven't spoken to in about 4 years (anyone else out there do this too?...anyone?)

On a completely unrelated note...I'm considering giving up Facebook for a while. I'm starting to be over all the updates about weather, food, babies, the olympics and everything in between. I need something new. Not to mention...it's sucking up all my time. (read: i've looked at my mini-feed about 5 times since I started writing this.)

I think one of the main reason's i've been really struggling with writing this blog (...or my second blog...or my song...or my letter) for February is because, as it turns out, 2010 isn't as awesome as I thought it would be. I had such high expectations of greatness. I thought I would be cranking out songs and blogs all the time because life would be so inspiring. I thought I would be closely knit into the heart of God growing in intimacy with Jesus and out of that would flow creativity and vision and life.

Instead, I'm bit depressed. I'm angry at how things are turning out in a variety of situations and, it seems, I'm a bit stuck. I know this is a pretty heavy thing to say, but writing these blogs helps me sift through things. I'm forced to formulate words and construct sentences around the elusive emotions I feel and act somewhat rationally about them rather than be controlled by them. Plus, in my very first blog I told you I would be "real" so you have been warned

I legitimately know that the main reason I've been feeling this way is because i've lost focus. I've forgotten what the Lord has done in my life. I've been distracted with what I think should be happening instead of praising God for what IS happening and what HAS happened. One of the things the Lord repeats to us over and over in the scriptures is to remember what he has done for us. Seems easy enough...it takes little to no brain power to just store the Goodness of God away as encouragement for ourselves (or someone else) on a rainy day (read: my life right now). Yet here i find myself sidetracked, once again.

Tonight I'm headed down memory lane via my 08/09 journals...and I'm re-centering my heart. Perhaps blog #2 or Feb. song will come sooner than expected. He is the essence of creativity, you know.