Felix - 4 Months

Getting this update in just under the wire! He turns 5 months on Friday! 

I can't believe you are four months old already! This last month you have really gone from infant to baby in my eyes. You have so much head control and I hold you on my hip with one arm all the time now and you just grip onto my shirt/hair/braid look around and take everything in.

You are constantly grabbing for things around you and you get such a sweet inquisitive look on your face when you see something new. I know you are going to be super smart by the way you interact with the world around you. Anything with flashing lights is mesmerizing to you and nearly anything that is new to you will be pulled really close to your eyes and you will poke your lips out in a little duck face, study each object carefully and then promtly shove said item into your slobbery mouth.

Speaking of, you still drool. It's crazy. Daddy always says it's a miracle you aren't dehydrated all the time based on the amount you salivate all over everything. After you do tummy time there is always a puddle under you head and every shirt I wear inevitably is two-toned after I hold you because half of it is darkened with slime.

You are ticklish! Which is so cute! If I'm having a bad day my go to for cheering up is to softly stroke my nails on your bare belly and arms, poke your sides or wiggle my finger under your armpit. Most times I can get you to laugh till you can barely stand it. It always starts through your nose like you think something is kind of funny and then before you know it you are squealing and kicking your legs and twisting your body away from my fingers, but looking me in the eyes and smiling SO big.

You are getting more coordinated with your hands as well! Last month you could reach of things with both arms and most of the time bat at whatever you were reaching for. Now your little fingers open and close around items and you ALWAYS pull it to your mouth. Sometimes you get really frustrated if you can't quite reach something. I let you try for a while and hopefully start to learn how to overcome obstacles, but often times I cave and come help you reach whatever you are striving for.

You are getting too big for you bath! The water barely comes up to your belly button and your legs reach all the way across the bath. You constantly kick your legs sending water ALL over the bathroom and you gasp and chatter with excitement the whole time. You have started trying to see if you can grab the water that I pour over you. Obviously you aren't very successful but that doesn't stop you from trying nearly every time I pour water on you. Then your index finger and middle finger go right in your mouth and you suck off the moisture and go back for more with the next pour.

You are so much more talkative this month! You kind of seems very sincere when you talk to your stuffed animals. You get this furrowed brow like you are discussing important ideas and need them to take you very seriously. Then other times you just gasp and scream with excitement or continue on sounding like you say "hi" or "Ok".

We like spending time outside. If the house starts to feel small we will grab a blanket and willow and go outside in the shade of a big tree behind our house. we just sit out there. I let you put your feet and hands in the grass and we listen to the birds and the breeze. It's lovely.

You are infatuated with your toes as of late. You grab them when you are in your bouncy seat and lean forward so far that sometimes i'm afraid you are going to fall out! You also really love it when I make all the different animal noises or sing songs to you with hand motions. You really love inspecting my hands and me counting to 5 with my fingers never seems to grow old.

We have spent several days out and about in the moby wrap. You like being carried as often as possible and have really found a happy place with the baby carrier. I wish we had a better one, but I used the Moby at the Franklin Art crawl at the beginning of May and it worked out great! you chewed on the side of it and peeked out over the edge at all the art, strangers and music. Several people said you were the best art they had seen all night. Then the other day we ventured out just you and I to Barnes and Noble and I stuck you in the moby. We looked at toys and then when you got sleepy you rested your head on my chest and I swayed and read a book standing up for about 30 mins. It was sweet.

Speaking of sleep, the 7 hour night was a fluke. (ha!) You regressed back to about 2-3 hour stretches and I have been so sleepy because of it! I think it is because you are more aware of your surroundings so when you wake up it's a bit overwhelming to you. However, you do go to sleep faster nowadays. A few rocks. A few shushes and a kiss on the nose is typically all you need to calm down and doze off in the evenings. Not as much of a fight in you at that point of the day.

You started this funny thing of snapping my tank top strap, stroking down my chest methodically and throwing your leg over my shoulder when nursing. At night when you are especially happy you will suck and sigh repeatedly and grab at my nose and mouth till you drift off to sleep. It melts my heart.

You had your 4 month Dr. appointment and you were 26.5 Inches long and 16 lbs 1 oz (95th and 90th percentile respectively). Dr. Swarr said you were the perfect model of a healthy 4 month old boy! yay!

Happy four month little moose. I loveth you.

Finding Good

The three girls ran by giggling and laughing chasing their tea-cup sized puppy who had escaped it's collar across the grass. The sun was beating down on my back even at 6:45 PM and I was finishing up my last lap on a 3 mile walk at Pinkerton park.

I was along side a dear friend, who I feel utterly and completely comfortable with chatting about our days. About what's to come and about life. I was soaking in much needed vitamin D. My baby was napping peacefully with his toes curled around the cup holder, sucking on the stroller strap. And God was filling holes in my heart at that very moment.

The early part of the week was rough. Felix wouldn't nap and wouldn't sleep more than 2 hours in a row at night MAX and I actually found myself questioning whether I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I envied the women out on kid-free lunch dates talking loudly about office politics and not worrying about leaky boobs, nap schedules or how to squeeze in a shower before noon.

A few mornings earlier I laid on the floor and cried while my baby fussed beside me and kicked his froggy legs up and down grabbing his toes and sucking on his fingers. Nothing could quite make him happy and I was so tired. I hadn't left the house in 2 days. I felt so alone. I felt so overwhelmed by the messy house. I felt so frustrated that nothing creative had flowed out of me for days and I didn't feel like I was a good enough mom for my buddy. I let God set peace on me. It didn't quite sink in all the way but enough rubbed off that I had grace to get through that rough day.

He gave me a husband who insisted on watching the baby that night while I spent sometime out of the house alone. He gave me time with other worship leaders for late night lattes. He revealed goodness to me in sunny mornings, hot showers, funny sit coms, snuggly babies, sweaty workouts, husband-made breakfast sandwiches, 6 hours of sleep and now this evening walk with a friend surrounded by happiness.

This season of life is hard for me and I'm still navigating how to not let my emotions run out of control on "down" days, but the good FAR out weighs the bad. God is more than faithful and always provides just what I need. I'm thankful able to raise my son as a full-time stay at home mommy. He really brings me so much joy.

It's Fun to Stay at the YMCA

Easter family photo!

This week I braved the gym for the first time since Felix was born. I had done yoga a few times at home while Felix napped, but it always seemed Felix woke up mid workout and it would leave me wanting more.

Well in March our gym membership expired so Josh and I decided to join a family friendly gym with child care options so I can get back into my exercise routine. So on Monday night, with new YMCA membership cards in hand, Josh and I left Felix for the first time with someone other than one of us. In an overcrowded nursery. with strangers. at 6:45 PM...the most volatile and sleepy time for our little dude. AGH! I was freaking out a bit.

I signed him in with an optimistic estimated 1 hour workout time and tentatively passed him over the wall in his car seat to the worker. For the first 15 minutes on the elliptical all I could do was think about all the things I forgot to tell the worker. "He just ate, so he should be OK." "Don't let him cry-it-out" "Please call me if you can't calm him down" "Leave him in the seat if possible, to avoid germs of the other kids" etc. etc.

Then mid-workout, I had an epiphany. I no longer shared my body with a baby and could work out to the point of near-death if I wanted to. (Something I had missed terribly during pregnancy). The last part of my workout flew by as I pushed the tension on the arc trainer as high as my weary legs would allow and let the sweat flow off my face.

When I was done I all but ran back to the nursery to get Felix. He was doing just fine. Sitting contentedly in his seat, watching one of the workers read books to a group of older kids. He squawked a few times on the way home, but overall, I was proud of our little family. Embracing health. Relinquishing total control. Giving me and josh some time for ourselves. It was refreshing. Looking forward to more visits and a return to health!