The past few days have been heavy. Full of burdens for those I care most about. Full of more things falling apart in our condo. More financial strain. More sleep deprivation. More snipping at the people around me. More stress and worry.
Which then led to one entire day of ridiculous consuming.
I ate. I watched. I read. I played silly games on my phone. I laid on the couch like a blob completely spaced out looking at Pinterest. I did absolutely nothing productive at all.
And I felt like crap about it. I bemoaned my full belly laying in bed that night, telling Josh I felt sloshy. (you know the feeling) Struggling to fall asleep in such a engorged state and then right when I started to drift, Felix woke up.
Well the next day wasn't much better. Some bad news from the auto repair shop (like twenty-five-hundred dollars worth of bad news) left Josh and I reeling a bit on what to do next. We chatted on the phone very nonchalantly about the issue and said we would both think for an hour and call one another with what we think we should do.
I went about my day. I played with my baby on the floor. I ran to the post office. I sat in traffic and through it all I prayed. I asked God how, and why, and what questions with little response. I fed Felix peaches and banana for lunch. A big heaping bowl, because the peaches were going to go bad on account of the broken fridge.
He was sweetly taking bites and squirming about like little 6 month old boys do. Trying to see anything and everything that is behind him and avoiding looking forward at all costs, but still opening his baby bird mouth for bites at his leisure. I was in no hurry. I spaced out and started starring out the window. "What is going on, Lord?" I asked again for the umpteenth time. "Where are you in this? What do you want us to do?"
And without thinking about it, I started singing. I started singing through songs of his strength. Songs of His faithfulness. Songs of His Lordship. Songs of Him reigning over all things. Songs of His goodness. And 15 minutes later I had pretty much compiled the entire set list for worship this Sunday all while Felix finished his little green bowl of lunch.
I felt a great amount of peace and I felt God's sovereignty over my life. Sometimes the worship set comes that easy. Often times it comes easy when my heart is fertile. It comes easy when I'm in a posture that is ready for seeds to be sown. Ready for water to be poured. Ready for the winter to be over and spring to come. So I'm leaning into the one thing that has come easy this week, building the set over mushed peaches.
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