Toddler

I am definitely the mother of a toddler. My 15 month old sunshine baby keeps me busy. Most days you will find me unshowered in yoga pants and a baggy top with my hair in a messy bun on the top of my head and food from Felix's last meal stuck somewhere on my outfit. But, I love every. single. minute.

I think i've said this before, but these are my favorite days so far. Every stage has been so amazing, but for some reason heading into summer with a rambunctious little boy who loves dirt, playgrounds and discovering the outdoors has me all giddy about motherhood. I really feel like I've hit my stride. He is sleeping through the night. He naps regularly. Eats well. Plays well. Is smiley and happy most of the time. Loves to snuggle and read books, but also enjoys wandering and independent play.

Some of the recent new and sometimes funny things Felix is up to include, but aren't limited to:

• Lifting any and everyone's shirt to see their bellybutton. ANY place. ANY time. The kid is obsessed with belly buttons, and maybe it has a little bit to do with mama and dada's belly's being squishy and fun to play with.
• Singing. He love to sing "let it go" (Which sounds like willow, when he sings it) and What does the fox say. But, he will mimic any song I'm singing or humming around the house in his sweet high-pitched baby boy voice. Slow songs are oftentimes it's accompanied by raised hands and his face up to the sky as if he is in worship. Fast songs get a cute dance which is essentially him bouncing up and down.
• He love finding things outside and bringing them to show me. Flowers, sticks, rocks, trash. You name it. It melts my heart. He is particularly drawn to the fluffy dandelions...we call them fluffers. He will bring it to me and we will blow the fuzzy parts away together. 
• He and our dog willow have a love hate relationship. Felix just loves willow to pieces and wants to squeeze to smithereens. Which obviously isn't willow's favorite, but willow loves the enormous amount of treats Felix gives her. So far, willow makes it work by evading him till mealtime. It's a win-win.
• Going down the slide is one of his favorite things. He even has ventured to the top and gone down all by himself a few times!
• He has started really wanting to act like me and josh. Eating with a spoon and fork. Sitting in a normal chair instead of a high chair. walking instead of being held. It's so sweet. 
• He is obsessed with his Daddy. He wakes up saying "Dada and rolls over to jump on him and give him hugs and kisses.When Josh gets home from work, Felix screams and runs to the door then won't let Josh put him down for the next 30 minutes. It is truly the sweetest thing.
• Still no real hair to speak of, but his peach fuzz is coming in, and, well...it's peach! He is going to be a ginger for sure. It's strange to try and picture him with hair at some point, but I'm sure when He is a grown man he will sport lots of hair and a giant beard like his Dad.

I mean...how did I get so lucky? I'm not normally like this, but recently if I just think about my son I want to cry out of sheer joy. I feel abundantly grateful that I was given such a sweet child. My days are richer because of him, that's for sure.

Outside (Warning: This Post May Contain References to Dog Poo)

The sunshine finally decided to come out and play! Vitamin D is good for my mental stability so we have spent the good part of two days outside. Plus, Felix is obsessed with the outdoors. Anytime someone comes in our out the back door he runs over and tries to escape and then spends a couple minutes looking longingly outside and then back and me pointing outside over and over with the occasional blood curdling scream thrown in for good measure. 

Oh the screaming. One of the more recent and less adorable traits of toddlerhood. His way of testing his lungs, trying to communicate and/or throwing a tantrum. I've read a lot about toddler screaming and it turns out it's a phase a lot of kids go through. So I have hope and a short bit of patience-rope left to get me through.

But I digress...

Felix has the most adorable toddler run you will ever see. He runs with little tiny steps - almost running in place - and puts his arms up in the air or out to the side and jiggles his booty. My sister-in-law has coined it the "jolly bear run" and I think that is the perfect description. 

Give the boy and open field and the freedom to go where he wants and he is happier than I would be if someone handed me a coupon for a spa day. Well...maybe not. You would probably see my ass do a jolly bear run if someone handed me a coupon for a spa day.

So today, we went to the park. Been feeling guilty willow has been left out of the outdoor fun recently so I let her come along. Also, I thought bringing a bucket for Felix to collect things in could also be fun. 

Oh naïvety. 

I quickly realized I was in over my head when I had the dog leash, my phone, my keys and the bucket in one hand and a a toddler all but hanging from the other. Of course I'm wearing a maxi skirt - cause you know...warm weather and all, but zero pockets. Before I could get to the doggy bags to take care of any messes Willow might make, she dropped a big one. Right. by. the playground.

So I drag willow and a now screaming felix (who wanted to play on the playground) about 100 yards further to grab a couple bags and go back to clean up. But then willow drops another and since I had let go of Felix to grab the bag he instantly stepped in it. 

Of course.

I pick him up. Put my phone, keys and doggy bag in the bucket. Scream, scream, scream Felix screeeeeeeam...100 yards back to the crap. And pick it up. 

A guy slack lining nearby shouts over the screams..."cute dog."

"Thanks" i reply deadpan and toss the bag into the trash.

The rest of the trip was just as disastrous. Felix screaming, insisting on holding the leash, getting caught in the leash, lots of teenage on lookers, anther run in with felix touching poop and I'm pretty sure my ginger child ended up sun burnt because I'm mother-of-the-year and forgot sun screen or a hat during peek sun hours.

However, even a crappy visit to the park in the sunshine is WAAAAAYYY better than another day cooped up inside with ice and freezing temps outside. Am I right Stay-At-home-Moms or am I right?

Bring on summer!

9 Sick Baby Essentials

Let me preface this by saying I am not a medical professional. In case there was any confusion on that issue, I want to clear the air before writing this post.

That being said, the last 4 days Felix has been fighting a really nasty cold. As every new mom knows there is nothing sadder than when your baby is sick. You feel so helpless and worried. The wee one can't communicate what hurts or how you can help, so all you do is go about your day guessing giving them what you think is best.

This is only the 2nd time in 7 months that Felix has been sick and I'm so thankful that both times it has only been a cold and not something more serious. Now, there are some people who refuse to see a doctor and think that medicine is bad, end of story. Then there are other people who medicate at every turn and use a pill for most answers to pain.

Josh and I fall somewhere in the middle. We always try and use homeopathic remedies to solve problems first, but if that doesn't work we turn to medicine. With that in mind, here is my list of sick baby essentials if your little one is dealing with a cold or minor virus.

1. Organic Baby Vapor Rub - Make sure you read the label and get one that only has ingredients that you can pronounce. This is expensive, but should last you for a while since you are only rubbing a little bit at a time. I know vapor rub helps me when I'm not feeling great, so it has to do some good on the little ones when they have a stuffy nose and a cough.
2. Boogie Wipes - I discovered these from my mother in law. Its a really gentle solution to the dry tissue that leaves noses feeling raw. It does have a few chemicals, but to me is better than a plain tissue that hurts Felix's nose. If i have time in the future I might try and make my own at home to keep on hand. I found a good recipe here.
3. Humidifier - Super good to run and keep the air moist and relieve stuffy noses and sore throats while sleeping.
4. Nosefrida - Ok...I know this device seems gross and before being a mom I would maybe have thrown up a bit if I saw someone using it. Only a mom who is hurting for her sick child can understand the awesomeness of this thing. The standard aspirator is so ineffective and can really cause additional irritation to the nasal passage if you aren't careful. Nosefrida solves those problems. Even though it's gross, just use it. Trust me.
5. Nasal Spray - Along the same lines...you should spray a bit of baby friendly saline, or even better if you are a super squirty boobie lady, then some breast milk squirted up the nose to loosen a dry stuffy nose is helpful about 15 mins before suction.
6. Hylands Cold Tablets - These things are some what magical. I used them on the most recent cold and after following the instruction rigidly for about 5 hours, Felix showed serious improvement. He regressed at night and still was stopped up the next morning, but after using them again the next day he seemed to start feeling better again. I'm convinced they are necessary now.
7. Lactation Support Pills - Speaking of squirty boobies...don't forget to take care of yourself and your milk supply while the little one is sick. Nursing is key for your babies health and your milk will even start to product the specific things your baby needs to get over the cold! So you don't want your supply to dwindle just cause baby's nose is stuffed up and they can't nurse for as long a period of time. Another good thing to keep on hand is a breast pump. If baby is too sick to nurse, pump and feed milk to baby through a straw.
8. A snuggley blanket - When I'm sick there is nothing more important than to have things around me that make me feel comfortable. A warm blanket. Hot tea. pillows. Cozy socks. So why wouldn't baby want the same kind of treatment. Babies are people too.
9. Mommy's lap and a pile of books - Since baby isn't feeling good, they may not want to be as active playful on their own. They may seem needy and clingy and that's ok! Consider it a good time for you to relax and snuggle and put your to-do list on the back burner for a day. I think I've read all of Felix's books 10 times each the past few days. Little Blue Truck, Furry Friends, and The Very Hungry Caterpillar are some of his favorites.

Hope your baby gets well soon!

WLWL: Take Heart

Worship Leading While Lactating (WLWL): A series about my experiences as a mom and a worship leader.

The past few days have been heavy. Full of burdens for those I care most about. Full of more things falling apart in our condo. More financial strain. More sleep deprivation. More snipping at the people around me. More stress and worry.

Which then led to one entire day of ridiculous consuming.

I ate. I watched. I read. I played silly games on my phone. I laid on the couch like a blob completely spaced out looking at Pinterest. I did absolutely nothing productive at all.

And I felt like crap about it. I bemoaned my full belly laying in bed that night, telling Josh I felt sloshy. (you know the feeling) Struggling to fall asleep in such a engorged state and then right when I started to drift, Felix woke up.

Well the next day wasn't much better. Some bad news from the auto repair shop (like twenty-five-hundred dollars worth of bad news) left Josh and I reeling a bit on what to do next. We chatted on the phone very nonchalantly about the issue and said we would both think for an hour and call one another with what we think we should do.

I went about my day. I played with my baby on the floor. I ran to the post office. I sat in traffic and through it all I prayed. I asked God how, and why, and what questions with little response. I fed Felix peaches and banana for lunch. A big heaping bowl, because the peaches were going to go bad on account of the broken fridge.

He was sweetly taking bites and squirming about like little 6 month old boys do. Trying to see anything and everything that is behind him and avoiding looking forward at all costs, but still opening his baby bird mouth for bites at his leisure. I was in no hurry. I spaced out and started starring out the window. "What is going on, Lord?" I asked again for the umpteenth time. "Where are you in this? What do you want us to do?" 

And without thinking about it, I started singing. I started singing through songs of his strength. Songs of His faithfulness. Songs of His Lordship. Songs of Him reigning over all things. Songs of His goodness. And 15 minutes later I had pretty much compiled the entire set list for worship this Sunday all while Felix finished his little green bowl of lunch.

I felt a great amount of peace and I felt God's sovereignty over my life. Sometimes the worship set comes that easy. Often times it comes easy when my heart is fertile. It comes easy when I'm in a posture that is ready for seeds to be sown. Ready for water to be poured. Ready for the winter to be over and spring to come. So I'm leaning into the one thing that has come easy this week, building the set over mushed peaches.

Little Adventurer

Felix. My little adventure boy. Always moving and exploring. Looking for the next thing to discover.

A few days ago we were having some quiet play time while you sat in your crib with a handful of soft toys, finger puppets. Soft rattle. Soft crinkly block. The next thing I know, you have your feet against the wall, your hands gripping the side of the crib and you are pulling yourself up off the bed reaching for the window blinds. My immediate thought was - Hazard! (And I made a mental note to move the blind cords) But then I watched you.

Quite determination. Focus with extreme intensity. Even after slipping from the bar a few times and landing on your bottom, you didn't give up. You just kept trying for the dangling cord. My heart was bursting. I was so proud of you (and still am). You no longer seemed like a baby to me. Just a little boy on a mission.

Eventually, you grasped it and it wiggled away, swaying back and forth just out of your reach and one final fall landed you on your back like a turtle. Angry you couldn't free yourself from the laying down position and in an instant you flashed back into my sweet little baby. For now, you are a bit stuck between baby and kid. But I'm here to help you learn and grow even when big ole tears of frustration come a result. You will get it soon enough little one. In the mean time, lots of snuggles and hugs when you fall.

Then today. You were playing, again in your crib, with a few toys. A couple wooden sea animals from nana, a soft brush and your plush carrot squeaky toy from IKEA. I was getting ready in the next room with the doors open so I could keep an eye on you down the hall way. Happy Happy boy. Pulling toys out of a box. Examining each one. Then I saw you take your position again. Except this time, on the other side of crib - not facing the wall. Feet planted firmly on two rails hands gripping the cross bar and I hurried down the hall to stop you. Before I got there, this was happening.

Standing. Grinning ear to ear. So proud of your achievement. So from an arms length away at that point, I, of course, took a picture. Note to self...lower crib mattress.

While Daddy made lunch for us this afternoon, little boy, you rolled back and forth across the living room floor. all wrapped up in your blue snuggly blanket. Stretching this way and that to reach the legs of the arm chair. To reach your new stuffed monkey, then - what's this? - mommy's flip-flop. Ah... Happy as a clam, all by yourself. Then lighting up the room with  your precious smile when i walk in. Independent, yet extremely social.  The best of all world. I know you have great things in your future, my son. my little adventurer.

WLWL - Sleep & Strength

Worship Leading While Lactating - A series about my experiences as a mom and worship leader. 

This past week was one of those weeks. Felix was sleeping worse than ever. Up every hour or more. Not napping. and very needy when he was awake. Demanding attention and movement and constant activity. Saturday afternoon rolled around and I nursed Felix down for a nap as I left the house around 3:45 PM for rehearsal.

I knew leading this weekend would be hard. Little else other than my sisters, parents and my own exhaustion had been on my mind that week. How can I help my family? How can I get Felix to sleep. What is going on in all this chaos of life. How is God moving. I was struggling with being angry at God. I was feeling like my prayers were going unheard. My heart was broken in the midst of this crisis and my emotions were all over the map. I didn't know how much I would have to offer the church body as a leader.

Rehearsal Saturday night flew by and we were done 30 minutes early. We normally don't rehearse ministry time songs, but I decided to play through them since I had the time. Something happened. As usual with God when He comes it's powerful and usually catches me off guard a little.  I was simply running through the song "Promises of Wonder" and in the midst of distractedly playing the line "In the darkest night, when death closes in, all your promises are yes and amen." squeezed at my heart out at me.

How can this be true? My mind raced. I've seen the darkest night and I don't believe you. I don't trust you right now, God! I continued to sing "To the fatherless, your love rushes in. All your promises are yes and  amen." Struggling through the bridge knowing in my head the words are truth, but my heart hadn't made the connection yet.

I repeated the words over and over, trying to will the truth to sink in. and then it happened. I felt the Lord draw near. I felt Him standing right by me. I didn't need to have the answers. I didn't need to straighten out my emotions and be a "happy little worship leader." I just needed him near. And believe it or not, with his presence so close. So comforting, I began to see how even in this dark season of the soul among my questions and confusion  God is there, working. He indeed does have good promises and good plans for my life and HE IS GOOD. And a peace and energy washed over me as I sang. Whether I fully understood it or not, I allowed myself to cling to his loving kindness in the midst of pain and out of the bowels of my soul a light began to shine again. Hope and restoration of my faith.

Tears ran down my face as I sang the bridge again to an empty sanctuary and finished the song with the lines "Always, and only, the mark of Your love will be my glory."

A supernatural energy came into my body and the set that evening and the next morning (after another night of little sleep) was sweet. A time of intimacy with God and in his presence. We lingered and loved on God and felt him close. For once in weeks I didn't feel angry. I didn't feel tired. I didn't feel confusion and doubt.  He strengthened my heart and built up my faith and allowed me to lead out of my own complete weakness.

Worship Leading While Lactating: Being a Mom in Ministry

I'm supposed to be at the church for worship practice in 15 minutes. The night before I was up no less than 5 times calming a fussy baby. I'm exhausted and praying "give me strength Lord" on repeat in my head while I put on my eye liner. I still haven't finished my hair, put on shoes, brushed my teeth or, most importantly, nursed my 4 month old son. One of these items will need to go on the back burner. Frizzy hair it is. 

I know some women choose to take a season out of service in the church to focus their efforts at home after having kids, and that is awesome.  In fact, I was told a few times while I was pregnant that worship leading wouldn't be as important to me after my little bébé arrived. Hearing this made me sad. It ended up being one of my main worries during my pregnancy. Was I going to have to step down from my role as a worship leader? I didn't want it to be less important. I still felt a magnetic pull to pour myself out leading others in worship. I so desperately wanted to be a mom, but at the same time still wanted to walk in this part of my calling. So while I understood the notion of others stepping down for a season after children came along, I always knew that wasn't for me. I wanted to stay involved as much as possible post-baby. 

I serve as one of the main worship leaders at my church here in Franklin, TN. So far being a mom and serving in church ministry has posed some interesting obstacles, resulted in some deep revelations and brought about some hilarious stories. I only have one kid right now, so things could get even more challenging when our family grows further. So, I've decided to share it all here. The funny and the not so funny. The hard and the not so hard. Tips, tricks, and ways it has made me grow as a leader, a mom, and a disciple of Jesus in a new series called "Worship Leading While Lactating"

My First Mom's Day

This year was my first official mother's day. I say official because I was sort of celebrating mother's day last year. We found out we were pregnant the Thursday before Mother's day and told both of our moms on Mother's day as part of their gift. It was a really special time. I will forever remember 5/10/12 being the morning that I peed on a stick and the lines finally showed the plus sign and that Sunday Josh bought me a sweet card and brought home some chocolate covered strawberries.

However, this past mother's day was especially great because I got to hold my little bud bud in my arms  and know his name and see his precious face and drooly smiles all day PLUS my mom was in town for the holiday as well, which just made it even sweeter.

Josh did a great making the day special for me. A MASSIVE (and I mean massive) breakfast feast was prepared and brought to me in bed. Where he let me sleep baby-free for 2 hours in the morning! (!!) A cute musical card that sang "Anything you want, you got it" with the ever-awesome cash gift  inside (which has already burned a hole in my pocket at target and Old Navy). I led worship at church, which ended up being a really nice time with the Lord singing songs to him about how thankful I am for being true to his promises.

They gave away some mother's day presents at church on Sunday, too and it totally ended up looking sketchy because Josh was giving the presents away and I won something (a $25 Macy's card) and so did my sister Rebecca (A Keurig which she gave to my mom!) Some jokingly said "it was rigged" but honestly, I really do think the Favor of God was resting on my family that day! 3 generations all in one place. Happy and God was happy about it and wanted to just pour even more on us. I'm not complaining at all!

We had another massive feast for lunch all made by the gentlemen - steaks, sweet potatoes, corn on the cob, salad, brussel sprouts and carrot cake. And then the afternoon Josh and I spent relaxing at the house while Josh mostly took care of Felix and let me work on whatever I wanted! I made a fun mother's day card for my mom (See above) that was just mailed today (Whoops!) and then in the evening we got some deli sandwiches from Whole Foods and walked around Target killing time.

I'm so thankful for such a supportive, understanding, kind, and wonderful husband who made my first official day as a mom super special. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve such an amazing man and then add my cute baby on top of that and my heart wants to explode with thanksgiving.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Today

Today I'm sick. I'm sick with a sore throat, achey body, and pounding head and as all moms know there is no boss you can call in sick to when you have kids. So even though I want to spend the day sleeping and spacing out I have an almost 3 month old (!) to care for. An almost 3 month old who is fighting naps. Cue sad trombones - womp womp.

After much rocking, swaying and shushing he finally fell asleep for his first nap of the day at 1:30. So now my day looks like this.

Call the Midwife on Netflix while my house deteriorates around me. I thought about cropping out the mountain of laundry that needs folded from the photo, but then it wouldn't be a true representation of how exhausted and unmotivated I am today.

I have several posts swirling around in my head, but for now, this is all I can muster. Sitting. Guzzling liquids. Crossing my fingers that Felix will sleep more than 45 mins so I can relax.

Happy Tuesday.