A New Leaf

"Life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall."

-F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

I'm obsessed with all things Autumn. Starting at the beginning of September I constantly check the 5 and 10 day weather report to see when the temps will dip below 60 and plan boot wearing accordingly. But in the south my fixation on scarves, nutmeg spiced drinks and pumpkin flavored baked goods are thwarted by temperatures continuously meandering into the high 80s. I wake with hopes of crisp air,  steaming tea and cinnamon butter toast to start a productive day perfectly balanced between checking things off my to-do list and relishing creative moments. I'm caught off guard when I break a sweat walking Willow outside to do her business and find my enthusiasm for the day fading as the temperature rises.

The fickle weather mirrors my attitude and I feel adrift.

My days fade in and out each quite similar to the last and I crave for the Lord to show me something new. My body aches to feel fire or ice. Something other than the tepid days I'm floating in. I yearn for my affections to awaken. For an ecstasy or an agony to lead my heart away from mediocre.

I desperately need my passions to be stirred once again.

I used to be a passionate person. I used to feel aweMusic. Art. the Lord. Food. Wine. Worship. Writing. I felt drawn and touched by these thing. I used to be teachable and moldable  I used to be  emotional for the right reasons allowing the Spirit to stretch me into a new understanding of His power. Letting his word show me new sides of His great love. but now...I'm afraid to admit it... now, I've become the person who is impossible to impress. I'm cynical and pessimistic. Nothing surprises me. Very little sparks me enough to move. 

I still deeply believe in God. I deeply believe He is moving all around the world. I vehemently know in my head that He is at work in my life and that I want to serve Him, but my heart hasn't gotten the message. I'm worried that the beating muscle that gives me life has actually become a lifeless blob in a coat of steel armor.

That's why I'm craving cooler weather. God always refreshes my soul when the air turns crisp. Leaves dry up and fall covering the ground preparing for winter and ultimate new life in the spring. Fall is time for a fresh beginning. The start of a new chapter. A reinvention and rejuvenation of my soul. A time to turn over a new leaf.

So that is my prayer this fall. That God would awaken my soul. Awaken my passions. Bring back humility and childlike awe. Scrape back the dragon scales and reveal a truly tender heart again. God knows, I'm ready.

Current Chronicles

Life has been filled to the brim lately and here are a few snip-its of what's been happening

Bébé has been kicking like a crazy person! It's so much fun. Last week one of the kicks was so hard you could see my belly jolt. It completely startled me. Then I spent the next 10 mins staring at and poking my abdomen to get the little one to do it again to no avail. Also, i've noticed a quasi unsettling pattern of Bébé really cranking up the kicks right when I lay down to bed. I'm hoping that habit will end post womb...but i'm not counting on it.

My brother in law turned 25. I made him a strawberries and cream pie since Cynthia (my sister) was on night shift at the hospital. While singing happy birthday and carrying the pie to JP for him to blow out the candles, Josh hit his head on the pull up bar that was hanging in the door way and the pull up bar dropped in the pie. I'm amazed the pie didn't end up on the ground. For the record, I would have eaten it off the ground Joey, Rachel and Chandler style if it did. 

I took Willow on a walk at the park and kept hearing a funny squeaking noise that I thought must be my shoe. When I stopped walking I realized the noise was Willow tooting every time she took a step. I didn't even think dog farts were possible. I died laughing.

Today at the supermarket 3 things happend.

1. The guy behind me in line purchased an entire cart full...I mean to the brim full...of mountain dew.
2. I realized I forgot my wallet in the car after I had unloaded all my stuff on the conveyer belt.
3. Upon coming back in the store with my wallet, I unzipped the money section and was waiting to pay....and forgot the wallet was open when I went to brush my hair out of my face and dumped  $10 worth of coins all over the supermarket floor....fail...

I've been working nearly every waking moment the past 3 days on adding items to my store. Measuring. Writing descriptions. Photographing. Photo editing, etc. etc. Here are a few of the new items and there should be 50 more new items by the end of next week. Here's a sample of a few items.

 1960s Drop Waist Fall Dress

1960s Sleeveless Blue/Grey Button Down Dress

It's a bit embarrassing, but for the first time I have a fantasy football team...and I check it regularly.

I stood in Bed Bath and Beyond for 15 minutes shamelessly smelling candles. I'm OBSESSED with fall scents....spiced pumpkin, pumpkin pie, autumn harvest, apple cinnamon. I die! However, $25 bucks for one candle? Maybe when I win the lottery I'll be able to afford you Woodwick. I then proceeded to use a 20% off coupon on $3 hair spray. Score.

I have a bit of a bump now, but not so big that random strangers should comment on it...or so I thought. Asian bankteller lady was the first to dive into the dangerous waters of asking a women she does not know how many weeks along she is. I was completely caught off guard, since she is the was the first person I don't know to ask me that question out of the blue. I guess a big belly is inevitable when you are carrying the child of a 6' 5" man.