The rains have finally soaked the earth after a long dry season where the land seemed to constantly cry out in thirst. The long awaited quenching that finally covered middle Tennessee over the last few days in the form of scattered thunder storms parallels my heart and it's need for refreshing to come.
I really haven't spend much time in blogger land sharing the ache that was in my heart while Josh and I tried for over a year to get pregnant. I was afraid to bear that part of my soul for with me, once it's on paper it becomes real, and once it becomes real I have to allow God to poke in the place that hurts the most. When in reality being transparent and allowing God to touch the wound is really where healing begins.
So I ran from sharing. I ran from allowing others to be a part of my story and pretended like month after month didn't carry worry and devastation. I pretended like it was no big deal...and we were "trusting God" when really deep down He felt further from me than the moon and I wasn't sure if the promises that in good times seem so easy to cling to and spat off to others were really ment for me in the dark.
We were in limbo waiting for the next chapter of our lives to begin and like many of you know, you can't force your way into God's timing. I needed God to speak. I needed Him to give me a vision. I needed him to help me dream. And dream we did. He brought me out of the darkness and truly gave me a peace about the season I was in. I was in the simplest way of saying it - transformed. My heart became glad and I found purpose and life again through Love.
It was in this peace that God answered. The dessert was all but forgotten as Josh and I parachuted into a new land, with new jobs, and no jobs, and dreams, and creativity...when God opened the heavens and let it rain. And the land that we voyaged to was green and lush and full of life! He brought us into wholeness as individuals and as a family and then put the cherry on top and said - Oh and remember that baby you wanted? Here you go!
We're pregnant! 13 weeks and 3 days to be exact! In counting back to conception (if that's not awkward for you) God opened my womb when I finally truly had peace and really did trust in His will being good and perfect. Thank you Jesus for answered prayers and a season of Joy that is beyond comprehension. We are waiting to find out Boy or Girl till the bébé arrives - but we have perfect names picked out. (I'll reveal those soon!)
So I'm moving forward more than quenched, but actually full to the brim at this point and ready to let the inflow that God has given me become an outflow to the Kingdom. Learning that vulnerability with myself, others, and God is good because when authenticity and an open transparent heart combine...He comes like the rain.
I encourage you all to not shell up your story, but share it. Share it with close friends and family. Share it with God and allow yourself to process in whatever way possible. And when it makes sense share it with the world - you never know who's heart may be touched by bearing a genuine heart.