Resistance

Inspiration. Please come to me....I literally just typed that out as a start to this blog because for the last two weeks I have been feeling a bit like an empty shell walking around with nothing creative flowing out of me. I blame the rainy weather, the food poisoning, a fussier than usual baby who is refusing naps and sleeping restlessly at night (You have to sleep at some point kid - I hate to break it to you), or the fact that I have other, work related projects on my plate that are easy for me to escape to.

But if I'm really honest with myself I know what is causing this slump. It's resistance.

Have any of you ever read the book - the War of Art by Steven Pressfield? Well if you haven't, you should. I read about three- quarters of the book a couple of years back and recently acquired the audio book and have been letting the truths that book spins push me out of this funk.  It's an in-your-face direct and honest book about the reasons why people struggle to accomplish good things....be it a creative endeavor  betterment of your health, or personal growth of any kind. Pressfield clearly identifies "resistance" as the enemy that blocks you and then he lays out a war strategy against resistance to achieve success. His approach is worldly, but to be honest, he is laying out Kingdom principals and what happens in the spiritual realm of our hearts day in and day out.

God is the ultimate creative being and humans are made in His image. Whether you think you are creative or not, you are. Even if your creativity comes in the form of business strategies or overcoming complex engineering obstacles, every single person has creativity at their very core. Releasing that creativity, even if it doesn't have the label "christian" on it, is showing a piece of God to the world. Through art, music, dance, writing, acting, or complex scientific discovery, God reveals himself beyond a label and through all mediums of creative expression.

Enter resistance. In the book it's hard not to picture resistance as the devil himself. He is described as a liar. as a thief, as insidious. If that doesn't sound like beelzebub, I don't know what does. I know i am called to write. write poetry. write stories. write memories. write songs...therefore, Resistance (read: the devil) will do everything in his power to stop me from accomplishing this task.

I'm an overcomer by recognizing the enemy and merely pushing "publish" on this blog.

An Artist that Moves Me

I’m a musician. I live in music city. I’ve been here for nearly 4 years. I’ve been to tons of performances. Only count 4 of those performances have stuck with me. One was the 2^nd to last show that Nickel Creek played on their final tour as a band. They are brilliant musicians and the fact that I saw them play one of their final performances as a group made and already gorgeous experience all the more epic.

The other three concerts were John Mark McMillan. Twice at a little church called the Anchor Fellowship and once this past Tuesday at 12^th and Porter downtown Nashville.

Photo Credit my friend and fellow Franklin Vineyard Worship Leader, Mark Young.

I’ve been listening to John Mark since my sister-in-law casually put on the album Songs inside the Sound of Breaking Down during a road trips out west with the Michael clan in 2005. All that I thought I knew about worship and songwriting went right out the 15 passenger window when I heard JM shout/sing “Son of David, Don’t Pass me by. Cause I am naked. I’m poor and I’m Blind!” in his song “Closer” I couldn't stop listening to the album.

In 2007 John Mark played at the Call in Nashville. He told the story of how he wrote the song “How He Loves Us”. The story is intense. And powerful. I wasn’t there in 2007 as it was the day after my wedding, but I’ve seen the raw and gritty video of his performance and was deeply touched. Here's a "clip" (it's 10 mins. long but doesn't have the whole song)




About a year later my sister-in-law sent me a link to a video and said “you have to watch this.” Work was slow that day so I clicked the link. Turns out it was the same song “How He Loves Us” but sung by a girl named Kim Walker. By the end of the song I was sitting at my desk at work weeping (silently…which is pretty awkward... and another story altogether.) overwhelmed at what I had just heard. Rocked to my core I realized what true encounter with Jesus in worship was for the first time that day.

There is massive anointing on this song…and on this girl.



Since Kim recorded the song, John Mark has sky rocketed. He has put out another amazing album, The Medicine, and is working on a 4^th to be released later this year. He is signed to Integrity Music. David Crowder has recorded “How He Loves Us” and the deeply poetic and emotional song with so much truth is sung in most churches today.


The concert on Tuesday was awesome. I’m a little disappointed that he didn’t have his new album available during his tour (so main stream of him to wait till after the tour to release it), but the bits he played during the show proved that it will not disappoint.

John Mark is not the greatest singer in the world, but i've decided thats part of what I like about him. He writes the truth of Jesus mixed with the ugly and gross parts of life that Christians often try and hide and in doing so, has opened up a whole new revelation of Grace mixed with passion. He has changed the way my generation worships and i freaking love it.


What music is moving you today?

A Bit Serious and a Bit Not

So I've been noticing a trend lately on my blog. All of the posts that are serious and take deep thought and bearing of my soul tend to resonate with the crickets and all of my frivolous/random/short/funny posts are the ones people tend to comment on and engage with.

Trust me. I get it.

I've noticed the exact same trend in my blog reading habits. Picture heavy, short blogs are easy to quickly "read" (slash look at) and you can pretty much comment whatever first pops into your head. "Cute outfit. the color green is awesome!" etc. etc.

On more serious blogs I tend to only read the first paragraph, first sentence of every middle paragraph and the last paragraph. Skimming them over looking for interesting pictures and juicy blog stalking details. Then when i reach the bottom i'm too nervous to comment because i'm afraid I will say something that has nothing to do with the real meat of the blog or I will ask a question that was clearly answered in the 8th paragraph, 5th sentence down.

So, I'm at a crossroads with my blog...Give people what they want (fluffy and fun) or continue on with occasional serious blogs that help me sort my thoughts and hope that i'm not just sending things out to echo eternally in the black hole of blogger.

Maybe in the future I will split into two blogs - a lifestyle blog and a deep-thoughts-theological-poetry writing blog. For now, I will embrace the random and expect less comments and interaction on the blogs that take more effort to write. :)

Speaking of random...three things.

1. Today I can't take my eyes off the coverage of what is happening in Japan. I'm praying that the Lord will miraculously stop the tsunami and aftershocks from causing further damage to the region, that families will be reunited quickly, and that recovery will be faster than anticipated. Donate to the cause at World Vision or the American Red Cross
2. In case you were wondering from my post a few days ago, I decided to give up desserts for lent. No sweets for me till my easter basket! 
3. I got my hair cut yesterday at a place called the Pink Mullet. Ever since I saw the name of the salon a few years ago, i've been highly intrigued so when the groupon for 59% off a cut/color landed in my inbox i jumped at the opportunity. Somehow, even with the groupon i ended up spending more than i'd like to admit just like I did last time...however, i really like the outcome! 

What do you think?

Hope you all have a great weekend!

Pulling the band-aid off

It's been 12 days since my last post. That's far too long and I have yet to brainstorm a sufficient post to break the awkward silence. The last post was so sure and confident in my 2010 review/2011 resolves, but now I just feel like 2011 is pretty much the same as 2010. Not a heck of a lot has changed except for my tree finally coming down on Jan. 9. Woohoo!

So with a lack of creativity in songwriting and a lack of creativity for what to post on here, this is going to be like pulling a band-aid off...no one really wants to do it, but it has to be done eventually. no matter how long you want to pretend it's best for that wound to be covered hopefully not festering, it's always better to let it get some air, breathe for a bit and change the dressings....there it is. A gross wound/writing analogy is the most creativity i can muster up this snowy Wednesday.

There you have it. Hopefully the next post will be more interesting. I think i'm going to write about potato soup. Yup...potato soup will be more interesting than this post for sure.

p.s. There has some exciting things happening with me and the Lord plus some awesome rumblings and changes happening in my family so perhaps I will share that in the coming weeks.


p.p.s. Also, the much delayed *ahem* anticipated france days 7&8 and  9&10 are on the docket for January. So things are looking up...i guess they can really only go up from here and potato soup so that's not saying much...ANYWAYS...

Where It's OK to Fail

I've been thinking about writing.

I know i'm not an eloquent writer that uses flowery adjectives and sucks you into an irresistible story painting a detailed picture in your mind of the room, mood, emotions that make up the experiences of my life. (even though i wish i could use words like delicious to describe my every day life like Kelle Hampton does, but it's just not true. Most of the time it's mundane, and often times i can't even find a better word than "blah" to describe my day to day, so i don't write.)

nor am I technically proficient writer that knows the proper sentence structure, spelling, grammar, or punctuation. 9 times out of 10 i'm to lazy to hit the shift key to make my "i" capitalized and I'm far to familiar with the right-click-the-mouse-to-find-the-proper-spelling trick. I couldn't tell you the difference between a compound or complex sentence and from the way I write, you'd think fragments are my favorite.

I'm definitely not a deep writer, like my sister Rebecca, spinning words and verbs together to change the way you think about the life and the world.

I'm not crafty, talented with food, inspiring, or a fashionista worth emulating so blogging about that doesn't make a lot of sense.

I'm not a pregnant mommy blogger with insights on how to deal with morning sickness, whether or not to breast feed, natural birth, home schooling, etc. etc.

This is obviously not a professional blog. nor is it even a topical blog on theology, songwriting, teaching English or any other noble theme.

I'm not really all that funny, even though I try.

I write how I talk and i talk how i write. I never went to school for writing, but i'm pretty sure that's not how it's "supposed to be done."

So why do i write? Why do i post things on "With All Her Heart" for the world to read? Baring my confused and awkward soul for strangers to stumble upon.

I write because God has put something in me. Whether it's profound or not, He has put creativity inside me and it needs to come out. I need this outlet to try. To try and try and try and try and fail.

To allow myself to write something crappy, so that maybe one day I will write something significant. To let the shityness flow out of my head unfiltered from time to time and show that christians don't have to have it all together while they pursue God's heart.

I started this blog a little over two years ago and it has morphed and changed quite a bit over time. In 2008 I was on FIRE for God. (you can tell by my slap-happy silly blogs at the beginning). It was literally the biggest year of growth for me spiritually and there are several landmark things that took place that year that continue to shape me and my wants and desires to this day.

You an really tell how my passion, honesty, focus, hungers and motives has waned and shifted over the past 2 years.  I'm OK with the fact that it has changed. I'm OK that sometimes it's fluff and (because it rhymes and get's my point across) i'm OK that sometimes it's rough.

I'm really thankful for the few people that do read this blog. Thanks for sticking around. I really do want this to be a safe place where I can be real and messy and not necessarily do the same kitchy things other bloggers do. (even though every now and then it's fun). You all have let me try and try and try and try and fail. I'm thankful.

I'm not so bold to write my 2011 resolutions post yet, but growth and maybe some depth in my writing may make the cut.

my iPod

So I kinda feel like my iPod has been sending me subliminal messages. For about two weeks now I have had the urge to get back into writing music. I wrote like 5 songs in college, made a weird demo CD in a dorm room and never went back. I did pass a few of said demos out to friends and family just for fun.

Randomlly this week a friend I haven't spoken to in a really long time facebooked me and told me she has been listening to my demo CD for like a week straight and wanted to know if I was working on anything new. I told her not really, but I would let her know.

After that conversation my iPod, which is on shuffle everyday while I am at work, starts to shuffle to MY 3 song demo CD like 2 times a day... Now, the concept of the "shuffle songs" feature is that you iPod is supposed to randomly play through all the songs that are on your iPod. However, I find it ironc that I don't remember EVER hearing my songs on my iPod before this conversation and now it keeps going back to my 3 songs....

It's kinda strange, but, it is effective. I am pretty sure I am going to start writing again...and soon.