Our Day

Long weird post warning...this is for me...and for Josh.

Wedding Day

A rush of excitement rather than the usual haze as my alarm buzzed

Waking surrounded by friends and family

Spending some much needed one on one time as we ran last minute err

ands the morning of.

The buzz of energy in our house as 11 women primped, curled, brushed, applied, spritzed, clasped, tied and more in anticipation for our special day

Slipping into my wedding gown while my some of the dearest people to me criss-crossed the corset with speed.

a gasp.

a silence.

a rushing for the tide-to-go pen

a sigh of relief as the blood stain on my perfect white gown from a torn hang nail is repaired

Checking off the something old and something borrowed as I placed my Mam-Mam's engagement ring on my right finger.

Applying the lip stick and one final look in the mirror for my first meeting with Josh

the look on his face when he opened the door. Surprise. Happiness. Joy.

The sweet gentle hug from his big manly arms. Careful not to mess up the hours of preparation spent for this moment

a kiss.

a gaze into his eyes.

a snapping of the camera lens over and over.

Hustling for posed pictures with every combination of family, friends, bridesmaids, sisters, in-laws, ushers, groomsman that you can imagine

the brilliant hot sun changing our plans and forcing us inside for pictures

cheering OH-IO and ILL-INI back and forth with the bridal party creating some of the best pictures of the day.

Trying to decipher how to sign and what to do with the marriage license

keeping my cool.

until i'm alone in the back hall.

waiting for my dad.

hearing the processional music start.

Peaking through the crack in the side door to see if I can see what cherished friends arrived to celebrate us.

Papa telling me he get's 40 feet left with me and making me cry.

Beginning the march.

Seeing my Beloved's ear to ear grin as I stride.

slowly.

carefully.

looking for familiar eyes in the flood of faces surrounding me.

feeling special to the one-millionth degree.

feeling love.

Stopping at the end of aisle.

Papa "forgetting" his line.

Making up for it and then lifting my veil to kiss my cheek.

Taking josh's huge hand and not being able to stop smiling or laughing or loving. Deeply loving.

Feeling so happy that Josh's sister invited the Holy Spirit to our wedding.

Not really comprehending the words of wisdom and prophecy Andrea spoke over our lives but very thankful for the videographer - sis-in-law jo-jo.

Knowing that everyone that ever mattered to me gathered around to fill that Friday evening with jubilation.

Feeling relief and happiness when we exited the sanctuary. Kissing Josh in the lobby before anyone else came out.

Embracing bridal party

Ducking under glittering sparkers and jumping in the convertible.

Realizing how thirsty we both were and rushing directly to a Wendy's for a drink and realizing we didn't have any money with us.

Going through the drive through and telling them we just got married and were thirsty.

Strangers jumping out of their cars snapping pictures of us at every red light.

The Party. Oh the party.

It was as if someone bottled all the merriment in the world and poured it out on that cozy venue decorated with white lights.

The 4 tier pound-cake with yellow roses in between each layer.

Pressing too hard to cut the "cake" that really ended up being the card board layer holding the cake together.

Finally softly feeding one another a piece of bliss in the form of a 4-tier-pound-cake with cream cheese icing.

dancing with my head resting comfortably on his tall broad shoulders to Fields of Gold.

Feeling safe.

Laughing...a lot.

Aaron catching the garter.

The dollar dance.

My dad full of happiness like i've never seen before.

Stu-Bombs.

Uncle Dale being the best MC ever.

Everyone.dancing....till we couldn't stand it any more.

Uncle Paul and Aunt eileen winning the longest married couple dance.

Hugging my mama good by realizing that it went by WAY to fast.

My dad following us out to the car and shouting "Take Care of Yourself" after us as we drove away into the dark in the EPHEZ mobile.

and knowing that I get to spend the rest. of. my. life. with the most caring, gentle, thoughtful, kind, loving, compassionate, smart, strong, handsome, passionate, red-headed man in the world.

A Good Thursday

Things about today that were splendid.

Got out of the office and visited Chapel Hill, TN - the Location for the South East's biggest Tractor super pull event. On July 23rd and 24th my company is the main sponsor for this event and I went to scope out the location. It was amazing for many different reasons.

1. I got to drive through the back winding roads on the lovely country side of middle tennessee. Every time I do this I feel more and more that TN is my home. I'm not sure why since I didn't grow up in rural america, but for some reason the lush rolling green hills and random gas stations, tractors, and goats on the side of the road make my heart full.
2. On the long drive to Chapel Hill I got to know one of my awesome new co-workers, Jennifer. She is really sweet. It was fun to have sometime to just chat in the car. It's amazing what 2 hrs of just driving will do to get people to open up to one another. Good conversation.
3. When we got to the pull site we were met by 3 very country, very kind older gentlemen from the Chapel Hill Lion's Club. They showed us the entire are and basically told me I could do anything I want during the event. (can we say t-shirt shooting into the crowd?!). Side bar - i'm really looking forward to this event. Hopefully, I will have some good pictures and memories to post on here later.
4. Enjoying a platter full of chicken, lamb, rice, and greek salad. washed down with a DC (diet coke, of course) and topped off with possibly my favorite dessert of all time - Baklava.

Being super productive at work this afternoon. Always makes me feel good. It's nice to check things off the "to do" list.

coming home to find out that Willow had gotten up on the table and eaten about a 1/2 a bag of cherries...ok I lied - that wasn't one of the splendid parts of my day. in fact, I think we will all be paying for that one over the next couple of days...and literally as I was typing that she just threw up on my bed. going to clean it up......gross...i can't be mad. she it too cute. poor willow....

discovering the new template designs on blogger. Just spent about an hour of time browsing through the captivating nature photos, funky designs, and charming patterns. I should have been doing something else productive. I'm not even sure I like the one I picked that much. only time will tell.

last but not least, I really enjoyed the bagel my husband got for me for breakfast this morning. Asiago cheese from Panera with veggie cream cheese. yummy. :)

We are headed to STL with Josh's family this weekend for 4th of July. Lots of fun things to report from that when we are back, i'm sure. Also, in big news - next Tuesday is our 3rd anniversary! Can't believe it. Love him more and more every day. :)

Commence Writing

I'm going to start writing again.

I came upon the realization that my life is too beautiful to go undocumented. unheard. unseen. this is the only life i get. i want to live it to the full and remember the amazing, messy, and lovely details of it when i'm old and wrinkeled.

There is so much to write about. My blog has been calling my name since May and i've been looking the other way pretending it's not there. it's like the blog's fly is open and i don't know it well enough to tell it "XYZ" (Examine Your Zipper for those of you who didn't grow up in the 90s.)

Even in the past day there have been precious moments that i've cherished with my hubby that i can feel leaving my memory like sand slipping through my fingers.

Josh coming home from work with his orange flannel on that matches the color of his hair. Boyish grin on his face full of excitement as he conceals a date surprise for later that evening. Asking him to just hold me for a while while melodies of "beautiful things" by Michael Gungor play in the background.

Spritzing purfume on my neck, hoping Josh will notice the sweet scent and comment later. Dining with new friends around a free meal at Carrabas where I tasted my first muscle and drank good wine while chatting about the World Cup, youth ministry, and babies.

Heading home with our fingers intertwined.

I may have a few grains left under my nails when it's gone, but unless i write the details down, it will forever be pushed away as my mind is filled with the next moment in time.

Also, I'm going to start saving for a new camera. a really good one. something like the one doug, my father in law, has.

something that will capture the gloriousness of all that surrounds me day in and day out. It truly is glorious. (and i'm not just saying that word over and over because it is about the only new year's resolution that i've stuck with.) I don't want to miss it. I don't want to forget it. I don't want to take it for granted.

I will no longer let the self-doubt of my posts not being deep, important, or revolutionary stifle my creativity. I will no longer tell myself that I have nothing to offer. At the very least I can offer this to my future self who will thank me for the memories to browse through when she's 80. Assuming the world wide web doesn't crash and the world doesn't end. :)

I Love My Dog

That's right...I said it...I love my Dog, Willow Cotton Michael. Now I know it's not real love, because she is just an animal with no soul and isn't made in the image of God who is complete love. I know that she can't love me back and only looks at me with those big brown eyes and wagging tail/nub because i'm the part of her pack who feeds her, walks her, throws her mangled charlie brown toy for her etc, but, she really does make me happy. Here are the reasons why I love/get happiness from Willow.

• She is super duper cute. Her fluffy brown velvet soft fur make her irresistible to pet and she has an uncanny resemblance to a stuffed bunny rabbit.
• She can just look in your general direction and make you smile.
• She likes to snuggle and sit in your lap when lounging.
• She gets really excited when walk in the door (even if i've been gone for less than a minute taking the trash out) and does a crazy two legged dance flipping around and jumping until i pay attention to her.
• She is ninja like in her abilities of grabbing food. i've seen her catch falling food before it hits the ground. My dad likes to call her a land shark
• She follows me around and adores me all the time (even when I give her a really horrible hair cut)
• She doesn't bark (too much)
• She is really smart and makes me look like a good dog owner when she performs her cute little sit/lay down/roll over/stay tricks.
• She flips out if you say the word "treat" or "walk"
• She forgives me if i forget to feed her in my early morning groggy/super busy state before work (don't judge)
• She LOVES playing fetch and tug of war
• And on...and on...

I'm sure there are some interesting parallels between dog/master and human/God relationships....but maybe the deep philosophical analysis of this post can come later... maybe... :)

Avoidance

I've been avoiding my blog. There are a lot of reasons why...but the main reason is that there are quite a few things things going on that I don't feel like sharing with the world. I've tried to be honest in my blogs and share what truly is on my heart and what is happening in my life in the past but sometimes after being vulnerable and posting I felt awkward about it 2 mins later and then removed the post, hopefully before anyone saw it. However, this blog has a way of forcing me to sort through my thoughts, and those tough issues that I would otherwise try and pretend didn't exist if left unwritten. This sorting turns into a raw, ugly mess of confusion, adjustment and searching more times than not, but in a strange way - it helps.

That fear of being out on a limb and vulnerable with my thoughts and emotions to the world is the big thing holding me back....that combined with a disappointing bout of dry creativity is what is causing complete avoidance.

I don't think it's a bad thing. I think I'm learning more and more how to sort through things by just thinking about them rather than writing them for all to see. Sharing with the world isn't always the route we are supposed to take. I actually think God is jealous of how much i share with the world before I bring it to him....I think He is wanting me to do some personal journaling in this time and sort things out just the two of us right now...

I don't want to feel the weight of having to be really in depth, super creative, and bearing my soul to the world every time I write on here....After my last blog I actually stayed up way too late sorting though what my next blog should be about. I mean there is SO much going on that I could have posted about a myriad of things, but at the same time I really wanted to be inspired in the position I took. I wanted to be filled with some brilliant analogy, or story that would illustrate the lesson the Lord was teaching me. I got so stressed about it that I actually I wound up crying about it because I was coming up drained of anything unique. I guess that was a bad case of writers block. After that I went into full on pretend-like-i-never-started-a-blog-in-the-first-place mode.

With that said...i've decided to take a lighter approach to my blog for a bit. Heck - maybe I will just want to randomly write about a new recipe I've tried or maybe I will feel the urge to write a fictional story or post a couple pictures about what Josh and I have been up to. Maybe I will post the lyrics to a song that's touching me right now. Maybe I will write a random quote or thought or link to a fun piece of art i found on ETSY.com (have you SEEN this site!? It's awesome.) Or maybe I will feel it's time to share with my avid followers (read: mom and 2 other people who often comment on my blog) what is stirring in the deepest part of my heart...then again maybe not.

Either way - just know that i'm still searching for truth, praying for wisdom, and trying to live from an undivided heart-with all of my heart - for the one who has delivered me from the grave. Praise you Lord. Psalms 86:11-13