What Does it Hold?

Sometimes in life I end up disappointed. As I look back on all of these disappointments I realize that a lot of it comes from something I have tried very hard to achieve and then I fail. The goal that I set for myself or the thing I was striving for is just slightly out of my reach and I fall short. My hopes turn to sadness.

Most of the time it isn't for lack of trying on my part. Most of the time I try as hard as I can but it doesn't seem to be enough. There are several moments in my life that I can remember not getting something I wanted SOOO bad and being disappointed. The first one I can remember is was the church Christmas musical. The year before I was the lead angel and LOVED it. I can still remember the solo that I sang. The next year when the parts were posted and I didn't receive a single solo line in the whole show my little 8 year old heart was shattered. I cried and cried. I think I was eventually tossed a bone and ended up playing the part of the christmas box. It was an embarassing costume but I loved performing.

After that some other notable let downs include:

• 7th grade - not making the volleyball team
• 8th grade - not making the basketball team
• 8th grade - not making the cheer leading squad
  
• 11th grade - not getting a singing role in the school musical
  
• 12th grade - not getting Cinderella in the school musical
• 12th grade - not getting to sing the homecoming song at the pep-rally
• Freshman Year College - not getting into Opera Workshop
• Freshman Year College - realizing that my solo didn't make it onto the candles and carols DVD
  
• Junior Year College - Not getting a part in the musical
• Sr. Year College - being offered a job and then having the job taken away because of timing issues
• Right now - Being offered a promotion and then finding out that it was given to someone else.

90% of the time most of these situations were horrible and I cried for a few days about them. Confused at why God would even allow me to desire such things, dangle them in front of my face, and let me to fail. And 90% of the time I realized why things didn't work out they way I wanted them to a few months or years later. God had bigger plans in store. He always does. He always knows what he is doing and I am always having to relearn this lesson. I am trying to quickly move on from this most recent upset. It's hard, but I am trying to stay focused on the future that God has in store for me. I have no idea what to expect, but I am excited to find out what it holds.