Finding Good

The three girls ran by giggling and laughing chasing their tea-cup sized puppy who had escaped it's collar across the grass. The sun was beating down on my back even at 6:45 PM and I was finishing up my last lap on a 3 mile walk at Pinkerton park.

I was along side a dear friend, who I feel utterly and completely comfortable with chatting about our days. About what's to come and about life. I was soaking in much needed vitamin D. My baby was napping peacefully with his toes curled around the cup holder, sucking on the stroller strap. And God was filling holes in my heart at that very moment.

The early part of the week was rough. Felix wouldn't nap and wouldn't sleep more than 2 hours in a row at night MAX and I actually found myself questioning whether I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I envied the women out on kid-free lunch dates talking loudly about office politics and not worrying about leaky boobs, nap schedules or how to squeeze in a shower before noon.

A few mornings earlier I laid on the floor and cried while my baby fussed beside me and kicked his froggy legs up and down grabbing his toes and sucking on his fingers. Nothing could quite make him happy and I was so tired. I hadn't left the house in 2 days. I felt so alone. I felt so overwhelmed by the messy house. I felt so frustrated that nothing creative had flowed out of me for days and I didn't feel like I was a good enough mom for my buddy. I let God set peace on me. It didn't quite sink in all the way but enough rubbed off that I had grace to get through that rough day.

He gave me a husband who insisted on watching the baby that night while I spent sometime out of the house alone. He gave me time with other worship leaders for late night lattes. He revealed goodness to me in sunny mornings, hot showers, funny sit coms, snuggly babies, sweaty workouts, husband-made breakfast sandwiches, 6 hours of sleep and now this evening walk with a friend surrounded by happiness.

This season of life is hard for me and I'm still navigating how to not let my emotions run out of control on "down" days, but the good FAR out weighs the bad. God is more than faithful and always provides just what I need. I'm thankful able to raise my son as a full-time stay at home mommy. He really brings me so much joy.


  1. See it's the honest and vulnerable posts like this that encourage me that although I have lots of things I'll encounter (moods, habits that aren't working, etc) that I don't yet know what they are, I am already comforted that I know a few mommies who aren't too far ahead of me who can say "I relate to you" or "try this". Thanks for sharing, genuinely.

  2. Being a stay-at-home mom is not easy, but it is a beautiful thing. Well worth the effort.

    I used to go into the downstairs bathroom, turn on the loud fan, turn off the light and throw up "Help, please" prayers.