Saturday night at church was amazing. During worship you could tell that Holy Spirit was moving very strongly through the building. I could feel his presence so tangible that my stomach started doing back flips and my voice got shaky leading worship. I noticed that I LOVE singing prophetic songs in worship. By that I mean- going off the PowerPoint and singing whatever the Lord puts in my mouth.
Sometimes it is just as simple as me saying "holy", or "you are worthy" over and over again. That's just me pouring out my hearts perfume at His feet. Then, other times, I literally feel my voice get shaky and my stomach turn (like Saturday night) and I know the Lord wants to sing through me and a song that isn't something I would normally think of starts to flow out of my mouth. Most of the time I can't hold it in and I feel like I will explode if I don't sing it. It's pretty crazy. I love when the Lord uses me in that way. It feels so amazing to know that he can use me, broken messed up me, to minister to people.
Since Holy Spirit was moving so strongly on Saturday night our awesome Pastor Jon decided to just let Him do what He was trying to do. Minister to hearts. A few people had words for the congregation. Several responded to ministry time. And I kept feeling the urge to say the verse Proverbs 13:12 "hope deferred makes the heart sick, but longing fulfilled is the tree of life." I pushed that thought out of my mind saying to myself "the only reason you are thinking of that verse is because you just recently memorized it."
A couple minutes later Jon said something about Hope deferred then even later someone else said they had a lot of "Hope that was Deferred." I couldn't ignore it anymore and I said(more or less) that "hope deferred wasn't the end of the verse but that it goes on to say that Longing fulfilled is the tree of life and we have access to that!" Yay! It was really exciting.
It's funny that in singing I can easily sing what the Lord puts on my heart but if I have a word that needs to be spoken I second guess myself and get nervous to speak out. What is my problem. I need to stop listening to the negative voices in my head that hold me back from pressing into him and moving with Holy Spirit where He is going. This time Lord pushed me to say that 3 times before I actually was brave enough to say it in front of everyone. Next time maybe it will only be 2 times and then after that maybe only one. I just pray that I continue to move step by step closer to Him in boldness with an undivided heart full of worship and truth.