Where It's OK to Fail

I've been thinking about writing.

I know i'm not an eloquent writer that uses flowery adjectives and sucks you into an irresistible story painting a detailed picture in your mind of the room, mood, emotions that make up the experiences of my life. (even though i wish i could use words like delicious to describe my every day life like Kelle Hampton does, but it's just not true. Most of the time it's mundane, and often times i can't even find a better word than "blah" to describe my day to day, so i don't write.)

nor am I technically proficient writer that knows the proper sentence structure, spelling, grammar, or punctuation. 9 times out of 10 i'm to lazy to hit the shift key to make my "i" capitalized and I'm far to familiar with the right-click-the-mouse-to-find-the-proper-spelling trick. I couldn't tell you the difference between a compound or complex sentence and from the way I write, you'd think fragments are my favorite.

I'm definitely not a deep writer, like my sister Rebecca, spinning words and verbs together to change the way you think about the life and the world.

I'm not crafty, talented with food, inspiring, or a fashionista worth emulating so blogging about that doesn't make a lot of sense.

I'm not a pregnant mommy blogger with insights on how to deal with morning sickness, whether or not to breast feed, natural birth, home schooling, etc. etc.

This is obviously not a professional blog. nor is it even a topical blog on theology, songwriting, teaching English or any other noble theme.

I'm not really all that funny, even though I try.

I write how I talk and i talk how i write. I never went to school for writing, but i'm pretty sure that's not how it's "supposed to be done."

So why do i write? Why do i post things on "With All Her Heart" for the world to read? Baring my confused and awkward soul for strangers to stumble upon.

I write because God has put something in me. Whether it's profound or not, He has put creativity inside me and it needs to come out. I need this outlet to try. To try and try and try and try and fail.

To allow myself to write something crappy, so that maybe one day I will write something significant. To let the shityness flow out of my head unfiltered from time to time and show that christians don't have to have it all together while they pursue God's heart.

I started this blog a little over two years ago and it has morphed and changed quite a bit over time. In 2008 I was on FIRE for God. (you can tell by my slap-happy silly blogs at the beginning). It was literally the biggest year of growth for me spiritually and there are several landmark things that took place that year that continue to shape me and my wants and desires to this day.

You an really tell how my passion, honesty, focus, hungers and motives has waned and shifted over the past 2 years.  I'm OK with the fact that it has changed. I'm OK that sometimes it's fluff and (because it rhymes and get's my point across) i'm OK that sometimes it's rough.

I'm really thankful for the few people that do read this blog. Thanks for sticking around. I really do want this to be a safe place where I can be real and messy and not necessarily do the same kitchy things other bloggers do. (even though every now and then it's fun). You all have let me try and try and try and try and fail. I'm thankful.

I'm not so bold to write my 2011 resolutions post yet, but growth and maybe some depth in my writing may make the cut.