These Days

These days smell like scrambled eggs and toast. Like sweaty toddler feet and and peanut butter spoons. Like sunshine on pavement and bubbles. Like chick-fil-a french fries and old target popcorn going stale in the back of the altima. Like calming lavender baby soap in the evenings and a freshly cracked blue moon after the kids are asleep.

These days sound like sleep grunts and sighs from a 4 week old. Like a rambunctious toddler riding his bike around the kitchen island for the 300th time today shouting "chase me!"Like a gentle shush and sway while floors creak under foot. Or a hard shush after one toddler meltdown too many. They sound like "yay!" from the back seat when the car finally starts after another dead battery. Like the click of the baby swing during the mid day nap. Like "yee-haw!" while a little red head slides down the twisty slide for the 10th time and like the whirr of box fans, sound machines and street sweepers passing by at 3 am.

These days taste like coffee. And more coffee. And yes, a 3rd cup please. Like the mid afternoon special treat scoop of ice cream. Like burgers on the grill one day and hot soup the next - if only the weather would make up it's mind. Like toddler fingers shoving another grape and your mouth and laughing hysterically when you pretend bite his fingers. Like PB&J crust for lunch because there is no time to make a meal for yourself and like 1,000 baby kisses on pouty toddler lips and squishy baby cheeks and toes.

These days look like hair in a messy bun for the 3rd day in a row and PJs on till noon. Like hot wheel cars filling the living room and laundry in baskets waiting to be put away. Like fire red hair bouncing through a field shrieking excitedly chasing birds. Like cozy pink footed sleepers hugging chubby baby legs and arms. Like tiny hands reaching through the slats of the crib begging to be held one more time before bedtime. Like big boxes turned into sail boats and forts. Like stickers covering yoga pants and like lovers snuggled on the couch at 9 PM for one hour of alone time before our heads need to hit pillows, too.

These days feel like heaven entering this atmosphere in the form of toddler hugs around knees and heavy-sleepy baby heads nestled in the nape of my neck. Like exhaustion and repeating the same routine for days on end. Like wet hands from dishes while wearing a newborn. Like a melting momma heart to hear a son comfort a crying new little sister. Like joyous excitement from toddlers and moms alike when daddy's car pulls into the car port. Like a marathon and like a sprint. Like grace and gentleness. Like peace and chaos rolled into one. These days feel like a million mental snap-shots to cherish every moment because I can tell these days...these wild and sweet days are slipping by too quickly.

Newborn

I don't remember enjoying the early days this much with Felix.

He was such a bad sleeper and I was so overwhelmed with new mommyhood that I don't think I truly savored his sweet newborn stage. I hectically made it through each day counting down the hrs till Josh got home from work so I could pass the baby off for food, shower, and a hands free bathroom visit.  I over researched everything and under trusted my instincts. I tracked every poopy and wet diaper, timed every feeding and jumped at every little noise he made in the middle of the night sweeping him out of his bassinet waking us both way more than necessary. Not to mention just randomly waking out of the paralyzing fear that he stopped breathing in his sleep.

This time around is a far cry from that picture.  Jubilee is a big-time sleep grunter and we both sleep through it. I watch for her to lick her lips, gnaw her fists or do the open-mouthed side-lunge to know when she is hungry and ready to eat. And keeping track of diapers is not necessary...we are filling a trashbag full every couple of days - and that's proof enough to this momma to know things are working well.

The sleep sighs she breathes heavily into my ear when napping on my shoulder melt my heart and her sweet little coos when trying to latch on during breastfeeding nearly make me cry with love. Her wide open eyes with furrowed inquisitive brow when quiet-alert is so precious. And the newborn swim of jerky arms and legs moving around like a little orchestra conductor is endlessly entertaining to watch.

Jubilee already loves the sling (which is great for this mom of two) and her clenched fists love to explore daddy's beard every time he holds her.

My mom says she "naps with abandon" and I tend to agree. I don't swaddle during the day and her arms flip up above her head in a pose of victory or as if she is the starting letter for the village people.

I still have my moments of feeling overwlemed by two and feeling emotional over Felix trying to adjust to this massive life change, but overall I'm relishing these slow days of mostly sitting and nursing. Reading books and watching TV together while cuddling my sweet baby girl and boy.

Being a mother to two is grand.

Welcome Jubilee Rain

Three weeks ago today we welcomed our sweet daughter, Jubilee Rain, earth side. 9 pounds 7 ounces and 21.5 inches of adorable little girl.

The labor and delivery went smoothly and mommy is feeling great. (Maybe more on this later.)

She has completely captured our hearts with her sweet dimple chin, fuzzy light brown hair and sleepy grunts and coos. She fits wonderfully in our family and is such an easy baby so far. Nursing like a champ from the get go, sleeping good stretches (4-5 hrs at a time at night) and loving mama, daddy and brother snuggles.

Now to figure out what it means to gently love, nurture and raise TWO little ones... :)

Over-Indulgent

The other night during our family walk I confessed to Josh that I want to do nothing. Nothing at all, except get his baby out. If an activity does not directly support the goal of helping me spontaneously go into labor, then I have 0% interest in it. Laundry. Nope. Making dinner. Nah. Blogging. Definitely not.

Give me a yoga ball, a long walk, some spicy food and some red raspberry leaf tea and I'm happy as a clam. 

Josh has argued that I find peace in blogging and processing my thoughts and a heart and body at peace is more likely to go into labor. 

I silently cursed him under my breath because I knew he was right.

These final days of pregnancy drag by. I try and keep Felix and I busy in the mornings by running errands, taking walks, doing crafts, but by the time lunch hits and nap time rolls around all I want to do is bounce on my yoga ball and then let him watch Octonauts while I read birth stories till Josh gets home. He pretty much get's what ever he wants because I have no energy to deal. More crackers? sure. Juice? ok. Another episode? Come snuggle your momma and grab the remote on your way. 

It's terrible. I keep rationalizing that "this is my last chance to be super lazy for a while" but  i know it's just a bad habit that is starting before harder times ahead with two in tow. Even though we are being lazy and indulgent, I am treasuring these days as a mom of one. 

I read an article last night on Huffington Post titled "11 Things Empty Nesters Want Parents of Little Kids to Know". I cried by the time I got to the end of it. Thinking about Felix growing up and leaving the house and how these days, as mundane and boring as they are, will become a blur. 

These beautiful days that currently make up my life. filled with peanut butter and jelly, hot wheels covering the kitchen floor and wild sticky curly red bed head hair in a pouf on the back of his head. 

How he says "come on willow" in a sweet high pitched voice every time he moves from one room to the next. How he grabs my face with both hands and squishes my cheeks pulling me in for a kiss. How he loves to help in the kitchen and even in the inconvenience of it all, it's my favorite thing to have him dump the measured water, flour, or salt into the bowl. And how it's gross, but cracks me up that he sneak licks of sugar out of the canister in the midsts of cookie baking. 

How he yells "Daddy home!" when we hear Josh's car pull into the car port then subsequently melts down in tears because he hates when willow barks and most of the time the first words josh hears upon entering the house are "willow loud!"

Even how he says "jay bird" for "scary part" when something makes him nervous (like the hippo at the zoo play ground) and he comes and buries his face in my thigh and grabs my hand for reassurance.

How he yells "Get me!" and we chase each other 50 times around the kitchen island. Him lapping me doing my largely pregnant waddle till he runs to a corner and is trapped and we dissolve in to tickles upon tickles upon tickles.

How we brave the cold to kick the soccer ball back and forth outside and he will throw his head back and wildly laugh for no apparent reason and that makes me laugh and then josh laughs and then we are all laughing and laughing till our bellies hurt like mad people.

Deep down I know much of it will inevitably be a blur. But for now, these are the things I want to remember. 

So I write. I pass the time till we add another little bundle to our messy, wild, overly-indulgent (for now) lives. And I write.

Updates

Oh hi! Let's pretend the last 6 month silence didn't happen. Ok? ok.

2015 is right around the corner. My little boy will be two and we will very soon be welcoming our second little one into our home. 

Yup. I'm pregnant. 34 weeks, to be exact. 

Last year was tough for a lot of reasons. I actually got pregnant early last year and lost the baby in March. It was a devastating time for our family. Then we got pregnant again in May and our next sweet bébé will be arriving around February 11th. We aren't finding out the gender this time again, however, I waffled on this decision. Part of me really wanted a girl. Check off having both a boy and girl off the proverbial list of things to accomplish in my life. I thought I would be disappointed if it came out another boy (making that moment of birth anti-climatic). I wanted time to adjust to the idea. but the more I thought about it, giving Felix a little brother and having two little boys playing together for life made my heart swell. Now, honestly, finding out when the baby makes their appearance to the world is going to be thrilling - boy or girl.

This pregnancy is feeling very similar to my last pregnancy, but also very different. Similar because it's been easy. No major health surprises in the beginning. No massive morning sickness. Easy peasy. (I know, I know...I'm lucky.) But different in the following ways. I started out at a healthier weight and have been very conscience of my health throughout. Walking 3+ miles 5 times a week. Watching sugar intake to avoid gestational diabetes (Which I have - Praise God!) And it has made everything easier. No carpel tunnel - so I don't have to worry about guitar playing problems on sunday morning. Lovely low blood pressure. And over all just feeling good. Baby doesn't seem to move as much as Felix did, but when baby does move, it feels wild. More intense and close to the surface than I ever remember felix's kicks to be. Sometimes it will shock me into a gasp or yelp of pain. Alarm. Whoever is in there is a strong little one. 

We have been preparing Felix as much as we possibly can. His world is about to be rocked. He likes to point to my stomach and say "baby" and we play momma and baby with his big stuffed panda and his little stuffed panda. The big panda actually has a pouch on it's belly and we stuff the smaller one in there and I try and explain how that's like the baby in mommy. One day it will come out and be a part of our family. "Come out baby" Felix will reply - yelling at my bulging middle.

Yesterday he lined up all of his new hot wheels on my bare belly and then used it as a ramp for about 20 minutes. And he kept saying "gentle" and softly patting my stretch-marked skin. I was melting. I think he will be a stellar big brother.

Some adorable things Felix does lately. 

• When ever josh leaves for work (at his new job, BTW) I say "Don't forget your coffee and your lunch." Felix picked up on this and has started yelling "Foffee! Lunch!" every time Josh (or anyone) leaves the house.
• The christmas tree was a big hit this year. Lots of interest in taking the ornaments off the tree - typical toddler stuff. We let  him pick out his own 2014 ornament at Hobby Lobby and he chose a small red robot - a bop-boop as he likes to call it. (Every time I see one I say "beep bop boop")
• Him and willow have a love hate relationship. He growls at her when she gets too close to his food, but also loves to chase her and feed her snacks all day long. He actually is quite good at giving commands - sit, down, off, back up. smart boy.
• His language is budding. He is a total parrot of two word phrases. Yesterday as clear as day he said "mickey mouse" after seeing a picture of the beloved character.
• He currently has a runny nose and has become an expert at saying "tissue" and blowing his nose. I'm not sure why, but this is adorable to me.
• Over christmas in bloomington with the whole extended family we discovered Felix may be an introvert. Small groups of 1 or 2 playmates and he is engaged and playing. Anything more and he clings to me like a koala bear. 
• At G-ma and D-pas house before everyone arrived, felix kept putting on a spiderman costume and an american flag hat and saying "argh. Pirate" So precious.
• The last 24 hours felix has insisted on nudity. When he takes off his clothes he says "Freeee!" and runs around the house playing as usual. Soccer. Painting. Cars. Snack time. All in the buff. Hilarious. An added bonus to this is he seems to do a pretty good job of telling me when he needs to go potty on the toilet when he is diaperless. I wasn't planning to tackle potty training till after #2 is sleeping through the night (maybe in summer of 2015) but it seems like Felix is quite interested in the concept. Aaaaaand as I type that he pees on the couch. whoops.
• Felix gets a daily vitamin. To keep him interested, we call it his vitamin treat. Works every time. When he gets it he also loves to feed willow her daily dental bone. It's a lovely healthy ritual. 
• He turns everything into a phone. Holds it up to his ear and says "Hello. Mama. Papa. Daddy. Nana. Boy. Play?" So sweet.

That's all for now. A little update on our growing family. Cheers to new beginnings and many blessings in 2015 for you and yours. 

Refreshing Weekend

We are having just about the best weekend ever. It's our first weekend in over a month that we are both home and we have no real commitments to speak of, so our family of three is just enjoying each other's company. Garage sale shopping. Park play. Walks. Sushi. Pizza. World cup watching. Breakfast in bed for father's day. Long naps. Pool time. Friend time. All topped off with the tangible presence of the Holy Ghost and it is one that can't be beat.

I feel the JOY of the Lord so much! Honestly, last Sunday was pentecost Sunday and nothing really dramatic happened at our church service, but I walked away lighter and more peaceful than I have been in months. Then this weekend I felt butterflies in my chest and warmth on my face all throughout worship and I KNOW that Jesus was closer than my skin in that very moment. A feel a personal and maybe even a corporate revival stirring in my heart and out of that a strong desire to do bold things and to love the people around me. Not just be like Jesus, but BE Jesus to my friends, family, neighbors.

Like the river in Ezekiel 47 that streams east out of the temple into the land getting deeper and deeper as it flows out and turning salt water, marshes, and swamps into fresh pools of water, so will God's love and spirit be in me. No more shallow stagnant water here. But a fresh stream that flows out of me refresh and touch others with your peace and abundant life.

Oh, and happy father's day to my awesome Papa and my wonderful husband. 

Gentle Days

As a Mom I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I am pretty sure every single mom in the history of moms has struggled with feelings of inadequacy. Am I working too much? Am I working too little? Do I give them enough time outside? Is he learning the right things? Is he eating the right foods? Am I enough? Do I have what it takes? Can I do this?

However, even among these doubts I am coming to a place in my motherhood journey where I'm gentler on myself. I'm trusting my instincts giving myself grace. Grace for a moment stolen on the couch snuggling and reading books by window light that turns into a game of tickle monster, then building blocks, then petting willow and an hour later instead of salmon it's frozen pizza for dinner. But also grace for, dinner needs to get on the table, so let's watch Finding Nemo!

So today when Felix woke from a long nap still cranky, I trusted my gut and set up a little creative space for him to channel some of his grouchy attitude. Then when he came to me holding up his sandals saying "Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!" I knew some puddle splashing and muddy hands were next on the agenda.

This soft embrace of each moment as it comes is changing my perspective. It has allowed for a very accepting version of my daily life. Whatever it looks like. Workout or no workout. Ice Cream or Tea. Salad or Pizza. Nap or dishes. This compassion and tenderness towards myself has resulted in a more balanced and happy heart and a more peaceful home.

 

 Stella! 

14/52

No... I haven't forgotten. 

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 14: I'm pretty sure this was easter sunday. Eating an afternoon cracker snack.

Squeeze Your Babies

This summer has been a strange one. Normally Nashville is all heat and humidity and sunshine come May, but here we are in mid-June with more rainy days than sunny. It makes a mama of a rambunctious energy filled toddler go a bit stir crazy and seek out lots of activities outside the house. The library - story hour and book reading. The gym (where Felix gets to play with other kids his age and I get much needed self-care time.) The mall playground (ironically the kids play area is a  "soap/water/bath" themed playground, but is most definitely the cause for at least two colds Felix has been on the receiving end of in the last 6 months - we go here sparingly). and Last, but not least - Barnes and Noble.

We love Barnes and Noble for it's glorious new-non-fiction section and cookbook section + well...choo choo trains. Felix has really grown to love toy train area. And this past Monday we took a spontaneous trip there to kill some time before Felix's nap and before I had to pick Josh up at the airport from a weekend away. When my son, who climbs on and often falls off of many things each day, climbed up on the short child's bench and fell, I wan't overly concerned. But he let out one loud cry so I rushed to him and scooped him up saying "I'm so sorry you are hurt. Shhhhh. Mama's here" (all the standard mommy comfort things) and I waited for his next cry. 

But it never came. 

I watched in horror as his eyes rolled back in his head and his body went floppy in my arms and all the blood drained from his face and mine. I screamed "Someone call 9-1-1!" and I ran toward the front desk. A mere 5-10 seconds later Felix was coming to (even though it felt longer). His lips were white and he was in a total daze. 

The paramedics came and checked his vitals then STRONGLY suggested let him go in the ambulance to the ER at Vanderbilt children's hospital. Felix was still subdued at this time, but a bit of the color was coming back in his face and an ambulance visit seemed unnecessary. I declined the ride in, but deep down knew I would take him. After a quick call to my sister (who is a doctor) and her urging to take him to get a head scan I texted Josh and told him he would need to find a ride to the hospital from the airport. 

By the time we arrived, I knew Felix would be OK, but I wanted to play it on the safe side. head injuries are nothing to mess with, especially with a small child who can't communicate pain or nausea. We sat under observation for 3 hours and left without a scan, but with the assurance of doctor that he should be OK, but to just keep an eye on him for any nausea, pupil issues, etc. etc. 

It was a terrifying episode. One that makes you squeeze your babe a little tighter. Let him nurse a little longer. Let him go outside one more time. Let him stay up a little later. And let him have one extra handful of popcorn while watching a movie of his choice that night.

My sad little buddy eating a cracker in the ER.

Stream of Consciousness

Summer. It has arrived. Although here in Nashville we aren't getting our typical super sunny days, the heat and mugginess has permeated every day since the beginning of May. The Michael family has been busy. Felix and I spend our days at the park, zoo, pool, and on play dates with friends and every free minute in between has been filled with sessions, editing and marketing for my new photography business which is now up and running full speed ahead. Plus, we have started the annual  summertime travel madness with trips to Florida and Ohio already under our belt before June.

Right now, josh just flew off to Chicago for the weekend to visit a friend, so Felix and I are having a fun weekend just the two of us! Plus, I will get some much needed quite time in the evenings to catch up on work, or watch weird foreign Rom-Com movies on Netflix that Josh would never be into.

Felix is growing like a weed. He is one week shy of 17 months, currently cutting 2 teeth (which makes for interesting/clingy days) and is learning SOOO many words. Its incredible. Please, book, cracker, thank you, dog, swing, shoe, and the sweetest little high-pitched drawn out "Bye-Bye" you have ever heard. He is already starting to parrot what we say (granted he doesn't quite have the pronunciation of most words down, but if we say a two syllable word, he will mimic with a two syllable similar sounding babble.)

I'm getting to the age where weaning him is a regular topic of conversation. Most go like this...
Me: "I think I'm ready to wean him. I'm done. I can't nurse any more. I want my boobs back"
Josh: "Yeah. Seems like it's been long enough."
Me: "But, I don't know how to do it? Like, how do I even start?"
Josh: "Humm..."
Me: "It would be nice to have someone else put him down for bed at night from time to time."
Josh: "Yeah, it would be good for you, that's for sure."
Me: "But he is so sweet when he nurses and I know it helps with his teething....Ah....maybe next month."

So any tips on that font, are welcome. When I really think about it beyond those fleeting conversations, I feel done. I feel like if we stopped, it would be hard for a week, but afterwards Felix would still thrive and my quality of life would go up. So that should be the direction we move in before the end of June.

One of our big life changes has been putting a stronger budget in place. At first it was difficult for me to grocery shop with constraints, but i'm sort of getting into this weird mode of seeing how far I can stretch our budget and what odd foods I can put together from the stuff in our pantry. It has actually spurred me to be more disciplined in other areas of my life. I hit the gym with more regularity and if I can't make it all the way there, Felix and I at least get a quick walk in. I am more discipled with my time and maximizing alone time so I feel accomplished, but still balanced and refreshed.

But, the biggest thing I've noticed is my weird desire to get rid of all our stuff. I want to sell everything. I posted a ton of stuff on craigslist to make a little extra cash, but also just to streamline into a simpler way of living. we don't need side drawers filled with things we look at maybe once a year. And we have way to many random appliences we never use. French press? I prefer our chemex. Air pop popcorn maker? Healthier, but honestly stovetop is yummier.

So I'm feeling like this summer is going to be a great one. I have a renewed vision for our family. I have a passion project I'm working towards with my photography. I feel excited watching Felix explore the outdoors as a little boy (Rather than a baby - like he was last year) and I'm feeling healthy, happy, and balanced.

Here are a few iPhone snap shots from the last month.

Row 1: Felix playing piano, Riding 4-wheelers, Playing in the pool, tickles with G-ma, family vacation selfie

Row 2: My sweet boy, mother's day feast, columbus aquarium, brothers enjoying a brew, Sisters at the zoo

Row 3: baby snuggles with theo, Trying smoothies, pool boy, high school friend reunion, sleeping elliot

Row 4: the Myrins, cousins, Precious annalee, fun in summer rain, just riding a dinosaur

Voyage Creatives Photography

Officially introducing Voyage Creatives Photography!

I've been toying around with really going after my photography business for a couple of  years now. But, after shooting my little sister's labor and delivery of her precious son Theo, I am 100% sure that capturing the story of family is what I want to do. And not just my family (all though I'm sure they will get sick of me asking them to meet for photo sessions over the years) but families of all shapes and sizes from all around the greater Nashville area.

Maternity, Birth, Baby, and Family photography will be my specialty, but couples in love, monumental family events and even you with your fur babies would be a beautiful story to tell with my lens.

I just spent the last week working on my new website and would love to hear your feed back. Go parooze around and message me or send me an e-mail at kat@voyagecreatives.com with your thoughts.

Flashbulb

Monday did not start well. I woke to Felix covered in vomit and feeling like a horrible mother for not hearing his cries till 6:30 am. I died a little when I went into his nursery and saw the tragic scene. Crying while Josh stripped the sheets from his bed I stripped my precious babe and drew up a warm shower for the two of us to rinse off.

Showers with Felix are my favorite. We normally only take them together when he isn't feeling well, but no matter when we get to take them he is always clings and snuggles close. Hooking his arm around my bicep and resting his head on my shoulder I let the stream of water spray his back. He looked up at me and sheepishly smiles. Showers are a treat.

Droplets form on the red fuzz covering head and long blonde eye lashes stick together with moisture. Silky baby skin pressed up against my soft squishy body. His hand playing carelessly with my hair, his necklace, the water, my breast. Humming and glancing up to lock eyes periodically. As I alternated our turns under the comforting warm stream.

The sickness manifested as diarrhea for four days. Mostly without much cause for panic and going about our usual routine. But, by the 4th day, he hadn't eaten in almost 24 hours and his stomach was obviously cramping to rid his body of the virus. He spent the morning screaming and writhing in pain.

We saw the doctor and she said it should pass on it's own in a few days but to call if things worsen. I cried again watching my little love in so much pain. Throwing himself to the ground in confusion and anguish. Nothing I did could help. Hugs, nursing, books, toys. Nothing.

It was horrible.

That afternoon he was so exhausted from the painful morning that we just laid in bed next to each other. Belly to belly. Him quietly crying but starring intensely in my eyes looking for answers or relief. I did the only thing I could think to do. Sing.

"Rain Drops on Roses" and "Do a Deer"....over and over again. Not sure why sound of Music was our soundtrack that afternoon, but I watched as his piercing stare turned into slow blinks and finally, much needed rest.

Those three moments - the shower, the pain, the rest - are engrained in my memory. Flashbulb memories if you will. In an instant I can close my eyes and feel the weight of my child on my hip in the shower. My heart breaks even when my minds eye sees him wander in confusion and agony and it melts when the afternoon sun pours across my bed and his cries turn to slow steady breath and sleep to the sound of music.

Funny, these moments. I didn't choose them. They were very much a part of normal life. Ordinary, yet poignant. It's strange to think that our everyday can stick with us for eternity.

Toddler

I am definitely the mother of a toddler. My 15 month old sunshine baby keeps me busy. Most days you will find me unshowered in yoga pants and a baggy top with my hair in a messy bun on the top of my head and food from Felix's last meal stuck somewhere on my outfit. But, I love every. single. minute.

I think i've said this before, but these are my favorite days so far. Every stage has been so amazing, but for some reason heading into summer with a rambunctious little boy who loves dirt, playgrounds and discovering the outdoors has me all giddy about motherhood. I really feel like I've hit my stride. He is sleeping through the night. He naps regularly. Eats well. Plays well. Is smiley and happy most of the time. Loves to snuggle and read books, but also enjoys wandering and independent play.

Some of the recent new and sometimes funny things Felix is up to include, but aren't limited to:

• Lifting any and everyone's shirt to see their bellybutton. ANY place. ANY time. The kid is obsessed with belly buttons, and maybe it has a little bit to do with mama and dada's belly's being squishy and fun to play with.
• Singing. He love to sing "let it go" (Which sounds like willow, when he sings it) and What does the fox say. But, he will mimic any song I'm singing or humming around the house in his sweet high-pitched baby boy voice. Slow songs are oftentimes it's accompanied by raised hands and his face up to the sky as if he is in worship. Fast songs get a cute dance which is essentially him bouncing up and down.
• He love finding things outside and bringing them to show me. Flowers, sticks, rocks, trash. You name it. It melts my heart. He is particularly drawn to the fluffy dandelions...we call them fluffers. He will bring it to me and we will blow the fuzzy parts away together. 
• He and our dog willow have a love hate relationship. Felix just loves willow to pieces and wants to squeeze to smithereens. Which obviously isn't willow's favorite, but willow loves the enormous amount of treats Felix gives her. So far, willow makes it work by evading him till mealtime. It's a win-win.
• Going down the slide is one of his favorite things. He even has ventured to the top and gone down all by himself a few times!
• He has started really wanting to act like me and josh. Eating with a spoon and fork. Sitting in a normal chair instead of a high chair. walking instead of being held. It's so sweet. 
• He is obsessed with his Daddy. He wakes up saying "Dada and rolls over to jump on him and give him hugs and kisses.When Josh gets home from work, Felix screams and runs to the door then won't let Josh put him down for the next 30 minutes. It is truly the sweetest thing.
• Still no real hair to speak of, but his peach fuzz is coming in, and, well...it's peach! He is going to be a ginger for sure. It's strange to try and picture him with hair at some point, but I'm sure when He is a grown man he will sport lots of hair and a giant beard like his Dad.

I mean...how did I get so lucky? I'm not normally like this, but recently if I just think about my son I want to cry out of sheer joy. I feel abundantly grateful that I was given such a sweet child. My days are richer because of him, that's for sure.

Routine

I feel like I am finally catching my breath this week. Since late March we have had visitors and travel non stop. It has been wonderful and draining. This week will be our first full "normal" week at home without someone staying here or us leaving mid week to travel in over a month. I feel like I'll finally be able to catch my breath and get my house, health, and relationships back in order. Routine is soothing for my soul. When I'm not in a good rhythm everything in my life suffers and I become lazy....thus the blog absence and my expanding waist line.

Anyway...

The biggest news that has come about in the last three weeks is my little sister Emily had her precious son. I was honored to be present for a big part of my sisters labor and delivery to take photos. I can honestly say I have found my new passion in birth photography. I've always enjoyed all types of photo shoots, but the intimacy and spontaneity and miracle of capturing a woman as she becomes a mother in all its beauty makes my heart beat fast and my eyes well up with tears. Granted, this was my little sister in labor, but even so, I know I would feel similarly for anyone going through this process. I'm drawn to the love that surrounds and exudes from a pregnant women as she opens her body to bring new life into the world.

I was hoping to get the very first moments of my nephew's arrival, but alas, after 3 days of exhausting labor Emily ended up with a c-section and I wasn't allowed in the delivery room. However, I snapped a few photos of Gabriel with his new son right afterward and then the next day I took some of the whole family and a few newborn portraits of the little man.

Welcome Theodore Eldon Duane Myrin. Here are a couple of those photos. To see more, check out my photography blog here.

P.S. If you live in the Nashville area and are pregnant and interested in maternity, birth, newborn or family photos contact me at kat@voyagecreatives.com. I would love to buy you coffee to talk about what I can offer!

13/52

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 13: Dirty knees. Outside. Every little boy's dream.

12/52

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 12: Theo was born! I was on photography duty, but this is the only picture of I got of Felix this week. He was being spoiled by Grandpapa playing with the iPad. 

WLWL: When the Going Gets Tough

Being a worship leader is hard sometimes. I know I am called to it. I know I am skilled in it. I know the Lord has and will continue to use me in the the place of musical worship for the rest of my life. Even if it's just in small groups or for my mediate family. Singing praises to God is ingrained in the deepest part of my soul. 

But every now and then this place of leadership in congregational worship is hard. So hard it makes me question if I should just give it a rest for a season. Let someone else take over for a while. Throw in the towel and see what it's like to saunter in 10 minutes late to service, Starbucks in hand, well rested, and grab a seat in the last row. Maybe even leaving on my sunglasses.

The reason behind these passing desires nine times out of ten can be summed up in one word. Insecurity.

I start to second guess the identity that I am a daughter of the King. I second guess that I'm called. That I'm any good. I begin to feel inadequate and unskilled. And being in Music City I can easily conjure up excuses in my head that there are others out there who are better.

It gets pretty dark from there. 

Well a few weeks ago I started down one of these paths in my head and I was moments from calling up my pastor and telling him I was going to step down for a season (blame it on motherhood busyness). I actually told God - "Why is this so hard right now? You need to encourage me! Where are you?" 

Then I grabbed my phone and lo and behold...a text message from my pastor. Essentially it said that he was preaching on being a people that say "yes" to God. And I immediately knew it was the Lord telling me - you aren't going to quit. And even though this isn't the back stroking encouragement you wanted right now...you need to know that I am calling you to this and you need to say yes.

It felt like a direct order from the Lord on high. It was bizarre. I was actually a little peeved, because I didn't want an order...i wanted someone to tell me how awesome of a worship leader how God used me to change their life, etc, etc. 

But the message was received.

So I continue to press on. Even when I am exhausted. Even when I struggle to find time and energy to create a set. When my fingers are too sore to play through the ministry time songs. When rehearsals fall apart and leave me on the verge of tears. When the devil tries to lie his way into crushing my call.

And in pushing through I find Jesus closer than before. Speaking encouragement. I'm only at the beginning of journey. He is just getting started with how he will uses me in the ways of musical worship. And I'm so glad that even in my weakness he pursues and calls after my heart once again.

11/52

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 11: In the freezing cold in late March, but still in love with the outdoors.

10/52

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 10: Outside playing with his yellow bucket. Happy as a clam.

9/52

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 9: Reading one of his birthday books from Nana.