WLWL: When the Going Gets Tough

Being a worship leader is hard sometimes. I know I am called to it. I know I am skilled in it. I know the Lord has and will continue to use me in the the place of musical worship for the rest of my life. Even if it's just in small groups or for my mediate family. Singing praises to God is ingrained in the deepest part of my soul. 

But every now and then this place of leadership in congregational worship is hard. So hard it makes me question if I should just give it a rest for a season. Let someone else take over for a while. Throw in the towel and see what it's like to saunter in 10 minutes late to service, Starbucks in hand, well rested, and grab a seat in the last row. Maybe even leaving on my sunglasses.

The reason behind these passing desires nine times out of ten can be summed up in one word. Insecurity.

I start to second guess the identity that I am a daughter of the King. I second guess that I'm called. That I'm any good. I begin to feel inadequate and unskilled. And being in Music City I can easily conjure up excuses in my head that there are others out there who are better.

It gets pretty dark from there. 

Well a few weeks ago I started down one of these paths in my head and I was moments from calling up my pastor and telling him I was going to step down for a season (blame it on motherhood busyness). I actually told God - "Why is this so hard right now? You need to encourage me! Where are you?" 

Then I grabbed my phone and lo and behold...a text message from my pastor. Essentially it said that he was preaching on being a people that say "yes" to God. And I immediately knew it was the Lord telling me - you aren't going to quit. And even though this isn't the back stroking encouragement you wanted right now...you need to know that I am calling you to this and you need to say yes.

It felt like a direct order from the Lord on high. It was bizarre. I was actually a little peeved, because I didn't want an order...i wanted someone to tell me how awesome of a worship leader how God used me to change their life, etc, etc. 

But the message was received.

So I continue to press on. Even when I am exhausted. Even when I struggle to find time and energy to create a set. When my fingers are too sore to play through the ministry time songs. When rehearsals fall apart and leave me on the verge of tears. When the devil tries to lie his way into crushing my call.

And in pushing through I find Jesus closer than before. Speaking encouragement. I'm only at the beginning of journey. He is just getting started with how he will uses me in the ways of musical worship. And I'm so glad that even in my weakness he pursues and calls after my heart once again.

11/52

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 11: In the freezing cold in late March, but still in love with the outdoors.

10/52

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 10: Outside playing with his yellow bucket. Happy as a clam.

9/52

“A portrait of my child once a week, every week, in 2014.”

Week 9: Reading one of his birthday books from Nana.

Lullaby

I grew up with a very elaborate and wonderful bedtime routine. My mom would tell us to "Go up the golden stairs" (which she was told as a child because of the carpet color, but the command worked just the same even with our blue carpet.) We would put on our PJs - which for me was usually just an oversized big t-shirt, brush our teeth and then we were allowed to pick out a "little stack of books" to read before the lights went out.

Oftentimes our stacks involved Mrs. Piggle Wiggle, The Little Mouse and the Red Ripe Strawberry, and a collection of the books we picked out at the library. And usually the stack was too big and we would have to "put two back". But then she would read. My mom is an excellent out-loud reader. She actually does professional voice over work now, so you can imagine how amazing this was as a child. Every book had drama, special voices, accents and even dull narrative was captivating.

Then while stroking our hair and scratching our back with her perfectly rounded long adult fingernails - our heads would hit the pillow. And in the dark of the room she would sing to us. Lullaby after lullaby as we drifted off to sleep in our warm cozy rooms.

It was a dream. Pun intended.

 Felix has a similar routine. He is still young, but for consistency and to help regulate his nighttime sleep (Which we had such a hard time with for soo long) we followed it to a tee. Bathtime (long or short depending on how sleepy Felix is. A fresh diaper and slathered in lotion/coconut oil. Cozy PJs and then a quick read through Time for Bed book. Finally, family prayer time and then lights out for nursing and of course, lullabies.

Here is a list of the Lullabies I sing. I mix up the order and repeat each song a few times or sing multlpe verses of each song. Sometimes I add a few extra songs that have been playing in my heart to sing over my wee-one, but this is the standard list.

Down In the Valley
Amazing Grace
Irish Blessing
Godspeed Little Man
Baby Mine
Rain Drops on Roses

Actually - better than a list, here is a video of me singing a bit of each song. Unedited, and spontaneously done this morning with no planning and no makeup - eek! Of course, since they are lullabies, they aren't sung full voice.  Hope you find a good song in here that you can sing to your baby as you rock them to sleep while they are still small enough to want you to.

Enjoy!

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