The Lights Are Off Right Now...

So I know my last post was hopeful about the sudden shift in me and Josh's life and I want you to know that things are still going fairly well and I am still quite hopeful about the future, because I know everything is in God's hands. However, having change forced into my little-comfortable-perfect routine has been really hard for me to adjust to. I have been feeling sad and lost for the past few days. Almost like when you walk in to an unfamiliar room with the lights turned off and you have to grope around for 30 seconds trying to find the switch which then turns out to be 6 switches and you are flipping them all on and off and none of the lights in the actual room you are in are turning on and you realize that the switches are on the lamps them selves and the whole vicious cycle starts over again...

I have no idea why the-forced-change is making me feel this way. Maybe it is having things out of my "control". Maybe it is having to drive to work by myself in the morning. Maybe it is knowing that everyone else in the house gets to be in relaxed clothes at home. Maybe it's the cubicle. Maybe my calling is being stifled. I don't know. All I know is that more often now, than before "the change" I feel like crying.

Sitting at my desk at work. Driving in my car. Laying in bed. Eating. All the time. I guess I am noticing how much of my day is spent by myself wishing I could be with someone I love. If you are reading this, and I love you, please know that I am in desperate need of more of you in my life...or maybe I don't. Maybe I just need more of Jesus or Holy Spirit. I honestly DON'T KNOW! and I think that is what is bothering me the most...

"Not all who wander are lost."
-J.R.R. Tolkien


  1. I love you and I am here for you if needed ........ just call me! AD

  2. ...and more of me you shall get!