One of those Days

I'm having kind of a rough day today. It's really hard because I've been doing really great about staying positive and always seeing the blessings that the Lord has given me, but for some reason today the day was going normally and then I decided to lay down and make a conscience effort to see if there was anything I was learning in this stage of my life...and all I could think about was how lonely I was and how much I am really yearning for one or two girlfriends.

The more I thought about it the more I thought it would be impossible because i didn't just want a girlfriend...I want a close girlfriend, who has the same beliefs as me, who is funny, likes music, who wants to spend lots of time together, who is in a similar stage of life (i.e. married, no kids, working, yadda, yadda...) and whose hubby also liked my hubby and was someone who I can encourage and watch grow while at the same time I could look up to as a mentor and example for myself... a bosom buddy as Anne of Green Gables might say...and then I realized...that person probably doesn't exist.

Then I got really sad. There is no one who could possibly fill shoes so big. It would be amazing, nay a miracle, if someone had all those characteristics and just happen to live in the same area as me (because we all know proximity is one of the biggest factors in keeping a friendship alive)...and then it happened.

I tried to stop it from happening and think about all the blessings God has poured on me. Be thankful. Be gracious. Be Joyful...but it felt really fake. and alone in my room. laying on my new green bed spread with shiny purple pillows, I cried.

I cried for about 30 mins. I cried while starring at the celing. I cried into Willows fur. I cried into and probably ruined the shiny pillows. I cried with my eyes shut. I cried till my lids were all puffy and my nose running with snot and salty tears streaming across my face and into my ears and then Josh got home.

He asked why I was crying. and I told him. And he understood. He gets that while he is my best friend and I LOVE spending time with him and telling him everything, that I need some solid spirit filled women to surround me and walk with me through life as well.

I'm a very social person and I'm also a very loyal friend. In high school I had 3 or 4 really close friends. We did everything together. In college I had 3 or 4 really close friends. We did everything together. And now...after 3 years in Nashville...I feel like I have hardly any close friendship ties with anyone. It feels like everyone I know is a distant aquaintence that I see once every 2 or 3 months because all of our lives are so busy... too busy for acquaintances anyway...

I told Josh "I feel like we could up and leave this area and no one would really miss us when we were gone...except for maybe Kitty and Jon." (our pastors.)

Then he prayed for me. He prayed that the Lord would bring my dream friend into my life and that we would find encouragement here or that he would open a door for us to go somewhere else.

I doubt that will happen. Buying a condo with a mortgage payment in this economy basically nails us to this area. Not to mention we both have great jobs and we would be crazy to just give up and leave after investing 3 years here...right?

I dunno - sorry to be depressing today. I'm just spilling my heart out all over the place today...i guess it's my blog so that's okay. If you're still reading...pray for friends...no A friend...to come.

I'll leave you with something slightly less depressing and actually kind of hopeful...Lisa Gungor. She inspires me to write music.


  1. Had to comment on this one. I think a lot of women at this age and life situation struggle with this. We spend the first few years out of college trying to check off massive To Do lists, get settled into whatever newness surrounds us, and then we look up and there's no one around to talk to about it all.
    Here's hoping someone walks into your life.

  2. Rough days are going around. I always have several tough ones after you all are home and then leave.

    I will pray for a close friend for us both. I think "My Discworld" is right, though. Coming out of college where you are so close to people, then you marry and are so connected to your spouse that by the time you move and start a career - you sort of lose that friendship thing with everyone else.

    Love that song. I've listened to it probably a dozen times in the last couple of days...

  3. Katherine...I SO understand this!! I have had seasons like this since I was about 12 years old. Living as a missionary kid, people are very transient in your life sometimes. I prayed about this when I was a teenager, and God promised me that I would always have "someone." I have recently been through a "dry" girlfriend season and God has been showing me I am not alone because I DO have my husband, but like you, it isn't the same and I don't expect him to fill that place -- it is just different.

    I know those prayers to the Lord...I have said (this past year) to the Lord, "I AM A GIRLFRIEND GIRL!!" and acquaintance relationships just "don't cut it."

    In this "dry" times the Lord teaches me to lean and trust Him more and also I have learned to be more intentionally with my far away best friends and being vunerable and open about how I need them...via text, Skype, cell, mail, etc.

    My heart felt your heart in this one...and I believe the Lord will bring someone -- might not be the way you expected or the same kind of friendship that you had before...but it will happen...."there will always be someone..." Surely that has to be for others too since God doesn't love me more...!! Praying that the aches of this season enrich your garden for a lifetime....
    (sorry for such a LONG comment!)

  4. oh man. i'll pray for you. it's so nice to find another sister in Christ.