The One Where I'm Totally in Love

My bedroom is clean. the laundry is folded. the dishes are done. cinnamon apple woodwick candle is glowing and crackling desk side despite the heat. Vivaldi filling the sound waves around me and fire-work like heat lightening flickers in the sky as rain dumps on the earth. All is well.

Tonight Josh and I took Willow (who hasn't died yet due to over-sucking of marrow out of life aka eating a giant bone 3 days ago...we think we are in the clear) on a walk at Pinkerton park. She always pulls so hard on the leash that she makes herself more tired than she would be if she just walked normally, but tonight, on top of the incessant pulling she forgot that she is very much out of shape...mostly due to me and Josh always thinking of other things we want to do than brave the tropics of TN in summer....Anyway...i Didn't start this entry to talk about willow...so moving on...

We on our walk it started to rain. not hard. just a sprinkle here or there that we could mostly avoid if we stayed under the huge tree limbs shadowing the walk. Near the end of the walk we saw a teenage couple. very obviously "in love" and trying to impress each other but being awkward and unnatural about every move they made. laughing just a little too boisterous. talking just a little too loud. racing a little too quickly to the next tree. Flattening their hair hair with their hands and limping/swaggering a few too many times. Avoiding the elephant in the room of the desire to hold hands they both felt, but neither had the courage to act upon.

It made me realize how much i miss the early days of dating Josh when exaggerated emotions were part of the daily drama of our love for one another. every little touch would send butterflies all the way through me. When we would bid farewell and kiss just a little too fast. press into each other just a little too hard. saying "goodnight" just one or two times too many filling silences. And wondering just a little too long if the other person would be the first to cave and say "I love you." Everything was exciting and new.

but on the other hand, as Tevye would say, i'm astonished that we are 3 years into our marriage and everything is so comfortable, yet things are not boring and old. We are no longer the awkward couple that tried just a little too much to make the moment special, but we embrace the fact that even normal-everyday moments are special. We get to walk slow, hold hands, stop for a sweet kiss in the drizzling rain, and relish in the quite moments where few word are said. when we do talk it's mature conversation about our dreams and passions and actually make plans to live them out together. Our lives and souls intertwined...forever. And as icing on the cake, we are lucky enough that we still, not every time, but from time to time, get butterflies when we touch.

it's beyond good. I'm so happy to have him.